A bun in the oven

Week 39: The eagle has landed

2010-07-06T12:47:00.007+01:00

I've had the baby!

I started to lose bits of my mucus plug – a jelly like clot which seals the cervix to prevent infection of the womb during pregnancy – on Monday 21 June. This was one of the first signs of labour. By Wednesday, braving mild contractions, I was at the supermarket stocking up the fridge and picking up bags of cotton wool balls and a baby bath. Paracetamol worked to keep the pain at bay until the evening where the pain had gotten so bad that I had to sit in a hot bath through the night to relieve the agony.

The midwife came to see me at 7am on Thursday and sent me on my hospital as I was already 4cm dilated. I was really pleased things were moving along so quickly. However, they soon discovered my temperature was high and climbing despite being given paracetamol to lower it. Suspecting I had an infection of some kind, I was then put on an antibiotics drip.

For hours afterwards the fever persisted and the cervix showed no further signs of effacement although my waters were broken and I was given a drug to induce labour.

I had progressed so little by 11pm and with my fever, the doctors felt it was necessary to perform an urgent c-section to deliver the baby. The baby’s head was still not in the birth canal and he had pooed in the amniotic sac, which suggested foetal distress. It was a disappointing outcome for me as I had hoped to have a relatively drug-free natural birth as far as possible (I ended up having two epidurals [one didn't work] and a cocktail of other drugs).

I was first catheterised as I hadn’t manage to go to the toilet for hours. As the nurses and anesthetists prepared me for theatre, I felt cold and nauseous. On top of my epidural, I was also given a spinal block to numb my lower body and morphine for the pain. I had tubes inserted into veins in both my hands to pump in an endless stream of drugs. Shivering uncontrollably on the operating table because of the effects of the drugs, I begged the staff through chattering teeth to give me a blanket to warm me up, which they very kindly did.

After 11 hours of being in labour, Bean arrived on Friday 25 June, weighing 6lb 13oz (3.11kg) at 00.28, four minutes after the first incision was made. I remember it was so quiet when he was born and I wondered why he hadn’t cried. Then I heard R whisper, “Oh shit!” and I started having horrible visions that it could have been too late. I was told he was grey and floppy when he came out but he quickly pinked up after the pediatrician cleared his airways and gave him a good rub.

The operation took less than an hour from start to finish and although I was awake throughout the whole process, I was terribly dazed and lifeless. I remember turning my head around to see R in theatre scrubs and holding our son but I didn’t feel anything or get emotional like I always thought I would. I just laid there feeling so weak, tired and helpless.

When they finally wheeled me back to the room so the baby can be checked over by the midwife, I saw R and my mother caressing him while he laid under a heated lamp. That was when I burst into tears. I was just so relieved it was all over and I finally have a baby boy.

We both stayed in hospital for three nights. The doctors wanted to make sure my wound was healing well and that my temperature was back to normal while the midwives wanted to know I was competent enough to breastfeed the baby before we went home. The first day was especially difficult because I was still attached to the urine bag and a drip which meant I couldn’t feed or change him. Plus I felt so sore I had trouble getting out of bed unassisted and walking around. But then things got easier after the tubes and catheter were removed.

Back home, I still needed help with personal care such as showering and getting in and out of bed. I was also feeling quite blue because I was still harping on the fact that I didn’t manage to have a natural birth. This, coupled with learning to cope with a new baby, has led to a stressful week peppered with tears. But now as we progressed into the second week, I have recovered well enough to be as mobile and independent as I used to be and we are getting a better understanding of the baby’s habits and temperament. I am also starting to put the disappointing birth experience behind me and instead enjoy being Mum to a floppy red lump who loves milk, hates being naked and farts loudly.

It’s such hard work – I am typing this at 11pm, after spending the whole evening trying to feed and settle him without much luck till now. But at least when I turn out the light later, I can comfortably lay flat on my back, not worry about having to go to the loo a million times during the night, toss and turn around in bed with ease, no longer need four pillows to prop me up, and slip into relaxed, deep sleep… until the snuffling, whining and crying begins.

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To those of you who have come to see us and sent us presents and cards, thank you very much! To our friends who are thinking of buying the baby a gift, we would like to request that you make a donation of any amount, to Save the Children UK instead, because Bean is already a blessed baby who has access to lots of milk and clean clothes, so we would really like to do something for the many other children in the world who aren't as lucky. Greeting cards however, are more than welcome.

Click here to donate. Thank you!

Week 38: Bean's grandma arrives!

2010-06-20T10:40:00.011+01:00

We had a really BUSY week getting everything ready for my Mum who arrived yesterday.

Monday

Assembled TV cabinet
Patched little hole in bathroom
Tidied store room
Washed car
Washed Mum's bedsheets

Tuesday

Painted and touched up walls and ceilings
Bought and put on new car seat covers
Swim

Wednesday

Tidied sideboard in the living room
Supervised window cleaning
Last few touch-ups in Mum's room

Thursday

Cleaned bathrooms
Went to Chinese supermarket to get vegetables
Put up photos around the house
Tidied front garden
Swim

Friday

Antenatal check-up
Pedicure
Swim

I really went into a mad frenzy this week to get all the tasks completed despite the fact I was so exhausted each day. Could that have been a terrible case of nesting? Was it a sign that labour is imminent? Having finally finished all the decorating, cleaning and tidying, I now have no worries about the house being not ready for Bean. The fear of delivery aside, I do feel I am ready for this baby whenever he wants to come.

But I think it may be a while yet. At my check-up on Friday, the midwife told me his head is 60% engaged in the pelvis. Who is to know how long he will take to move down completely? It could take days or weeks! Anyway, the important thing is he is in the right position to enter the world and this week I have just been feeling so nervous and worried about how MUCH our lives are going to change forever with the arrival of Bean. Will I be able to cope?

My mother arrived yesterday morning and that is another reason why I feel more relaxed about the idea of having the baby. Previously I was so worried that he might decide to come before his Grandma gets here, which would make things very tricky.

My mother brought LOADS of dried food goods to make confinement food for me - red dates, longans, peanuts, cashew nuts etc. She also bought me bags and bags of special herbs for baths, plenty of gifts and red packets from friends and family. The girls bought me a beautiful Juicy baby changing bag which they dropped off at my place but unfortunately my Mum's luggage was already bursting so she couldn't bring it with her. Still, we'll be back very soon so I'll be able to use it then!

Oh, speaking of gifts - if you are thinking of getting Bean something, please resist yourself. Just like what we did for our wedding, we'll be requesting that you make a donation instead of buying us presents, not because we don't appreciate your generousity and kindness but simply because Bean is such a blessed little boy and already has received SO MUCH STUFF that he will outgrow them before he'll get a chance to wear or use them. I'll post a separate entry on this soon.

In the meantime, since Bean is determined to stay in my belly for some time yet, it'd give us time to take my Mum around the neighbourhood and the city, perhaps drive to a few scenic spots and do a few touristy things before we'll all get confined at home very soon!

Week 37: The wait commences

2010-06-13T15:05:00.005+01:00

Hurrah! Despite all my fears and tears, Bean is now a full-term baby and has a very good chance of survival if he is born any minute now, except I don't think he's ready to meet the world yet.

I had my antenatal check on Monday and although Bean has been head down for several weeks now, his head hasn't fully descended into my pelvis which mean it could be sometime before he comes. But having said that, he has been slowly dropping downward because I am carrying him lower and I no longer feel him pressing against my stomach. Because of this, my heartburn and indigestion problems have resolved and I am also able to eat more than usual.

I have been having Braxton-Hicks or false contractions at least once a day now. It is usually brought on by having a full bladder. When that happens, my whole belly becomes very very tensed, bloated and tight like a football for a few minutes. It is not painful but it can be somewhat uncomfortable. But they are good, because they can help to "ripen" or soften the cervix to prepare for the birth.

This week I have finally finished packing my hospital bag! I have also finished writing my birth plan - essentially listing down my wishes and preferences during labour and delivery. E.g. I am definitely aiming for a natural vaginal birth in water. I don't really want an epidural unless absolutely necessary because I want to be able to feel the contractions and push accordingly. I'd like the baby to be handed to me immediately before being cleaned up, etc.

We spent Tuesday morning putting together a motorised cradle swing which R bought a long while back. It can rock the baby sideways as well as to and fro, plays music and has lights and rotating hanging mobiles. I think it's a piece of overpriced item for a little baby but the user reviews were very good, which led to R buying it on crazy impulse. Anyway, only time will tell if it really is worth the pinch.

My mother will be here next Saturday so we have been in a sort of mad panic this week to get everything sorted. So far we have:

Installed cable TV
Ordered a new TV so the one we have now can go into her bedroom
Tidied the front garden and planted lots of colourful flowers
Arranged for cleaners to wash the windows and gutters of the house next week
Tidied the book shelves, wardrobe and cupboard
Bought and laundered new towels for Mum

With the majority of the chores being completed (oh yes I also got my hair done - cut and coloured - because I know I won't have time to do that when Bean comes), I now feel I am ready to have the baby so I hope he won't make me wait too long!

Week 36: Swimming, Driving, DVT

2010-06-06T21:55:00.003+01:00

I can't believe I have only been on maternity leave for a week. It feels longer than that probably because I have been so busy this week.

First of all, we finally bought a car! Okay, it's really a piece of scrap metal if you like - a 15-year-old manual Renault with no power steering which cost us just £200. It'd do for now until we decide if we do want to keep a car in the long run and if we do, we'll look for a better one, and I say definitely an automatic with power steering because turning the bloody wheel of this old banger really leaves me breathless!

So this week I have been attempting to get acquainted with the car and driving again. Having not been behind the wheel for over 4 years, I discovered I have forgotten a lot of it and lost most of my confidence as a result. And thus so far I have only managed to take the car out of the parking lot, put it back in, take it down a dirt road across my house and park it again. It's pathetic I know, but I'd rather take my own time to practise and get myself familiar and at ease with controlling the vehicle before taking it out onto the main road. It's slow, but it is progress of some kind.

I've also started to go to the local indoor pool just 3 minutes away from where I live. It is open to the public from around 3pm-6pm. Normally I go there to use the gym after work but now that I am free most afternoons, I decided I should go for a daily swim instead.

Swimming is great because the water provides temporary support and relief for the extra weight around the belly. I feel a lot more mobile in the pool and really enjoy being able to keep exercising in such a fun way.

I have been keeping active throughout the pregnancy not only because it is good to stay mobile but also because I am particularly conscious I am being more at risk of developing deep vein thrombosis (DVT) or a blood clot in the leg in pregnancy. Pregnant women tend to be more inactive and because their blood become thicker naturally to prevent excessive blood loss in childbirth, they are more susceptible to developing DVT.

Earlier this week I discovered that my left ankle was getting more swollen than the right so R took my urine sample to test for protein, which, coupled with high blood pressure, could be a symptom of pre-eclampsia, which is caused by a fault with the placenta. Mothers with pre-eclampsia often have premature babies or need medical intervention to deliver them.

R found a trace amount of protein in my urine so he wanted me to go to the GP to check my blood pressure to be sure. My BP was fine but the doctor was quite concerned about my swollen leg and the fact that it only affected my left ankle and calf. My right leg was perfectly fine.

Although I didn't display the usual textbook symptoms of DVT (i.e. redness, pain, tenderness), he sent me to A&E to get my leg properly checked in case it was a blood clot. So I headed to A&E, waited around for an hour and a half, got seen by a doctor who booked me in for an urgent scan the next morning and in the meantime gave me a blood thinning jab just in case.

In the end nothing showed up in the scan so it must be the warm weather, tight stockings, excessive walking that caused the swelling. And in any case, many pregnant women develop swelling in their ankles and legs during the last trimester simply because there is a higher volume of blood and fluid in their bodies.

Ah well, bit of a waste of time really but at least it's now confirmed there is nothing to worry about. Apart from all the drama this week, I also have finally gotten down to washing ALL of Bean's clothes! They are all fresh and folded in the drawers, his bedding has been laundered and laid out, and I have almost finished packing my hospital bag.

All we need now is the baby.

Week 35: Insomnia, maternity leave, piles

2010-05-30T17:00:00.006+01:00

I had a really good cry today because I am just too tired and frustrated. For over a month now I haven't been able to get a decent's night sleep, mainly because having a large womb pressing down on me really leaves me so uncomfortable in bed and nothing I do seem to help. I wake to go to the toilet so many times a night and once I am up I find it hard to fall asleep again. That's why in the day I sometimes feel really tired and grumpy and today I just felt I had enough and I had to let it all out.

I let myself wallow in self-pity for a while because I think I needed to release all my pent-up frustrations. Walking and getting around is getting really difficult now that my belly is so heavy. While I used to be able to shop non-stop for a good few hours in town, I now need to find somewhere to sit down every so often because it hurts my back to stand for so long.

I am also finding myself increasingly unappealing - my body is out of shape, I am bulky and clumsy, my nipples are so huge and dark, I am so fat. Plus I've also developed pregnancy piles which I was told would get worse right after childbirth because of the pushing and straining. Lovely! No wonder I feel grumpy and miserable.

I think it has come to a point where I am really looking forward to giving birth not just because I want to meet Bean but also because I desperately want to get rid of this bulging tension around what used to be my waist. I long for the day to come where I can once again lie on my belly and opening cupboards or doors without banging myself in the tummy.

Friday was my last day at work. I'll now be off till January 2011 and I have been waiting so long for my maternity leave to start. Now that it has, I am feeling a real sense of relief and freedom because I now have all the time in the world to finish up the last bits that need doing around the house.

Other updates this week include:

We didn't manage to buy a car in the end because the seller turned out to be a scumbag who probably sold it to someone else who was willing to pay more. He never bothered to get in touch with us to say the deal was off. So the quest is still on for a car.
H came down to stay with us over the weekend. We put her in the newly furnished guest room and she said she had a really comfortable stay. There was one day she didn't get up till noon!
I finally got someone to frame the four oil paintings we bought in Hanoi and they now hang in various rooms.
The dining room is ready! We moved our dining table and chairs in on Friday and shifted some furniture around in the room. It still looks a bit bare but it's a real good start!

No regrets

2010-05-24T13:20:00.008+01:00

Unless you are filthy rich, there is really no "good time" to have kids. There are always bills to be paid, a bit of renovation which needs to be done, new interesting world destinations you have yet to explore, that dream job you've always wanted to have, that "something" you have to do before you get too old, the freedom you find hard to sacrifice. And so, for many people, procreation gets right down to the bottom of their massive "to-do" list.

While I have always been certain I wanted children, I too got caught up in the "Now's not the time to get pregnant because I haven't done this yet!" dilemma. Until of course, my husband decided for me that "I don't know what you are waiting for, let's just do it." I doubted his fertility since he's much older and really did not for a moment believe we could get lucky so quickly. Even my crazy Fizzy Cola and meat cravings early on did not once raise my suspicions that I could be pregnant.

I wouldn't say the pregnancy was unplanned, but by the same token, I don't know if I should say it was planned? One thing's for sure - I definitely didn't feel ready for a baby when I fell pregnant. My husband just decided to "go with the flow" (no pun intended) and see what happens. In the end Bean was what happened and now 8 months down the line, we've got a proper strong wriggler stuck in my belly.

And somehow, though I don't know how, we even managed to see beyond the worries we initially had (finances, childcare, responsibilities, lifestyle adjustments), find a way to deal with them and look forward to a new journey ahead.

Bean has made us grow up quickly, to think of us not as a couple but now us as a family, to be prepared to make major changes and sacrifices to our lives. For instance, my body is and will never be the same after childbirth I suspect. I now have horrible black huge nipples, pregnancy piles, and skin darkening around my groin and inner thighs. Whether or not I will get my pre-pregnancy body back, I don't know.

Yet despite all this, I cannot imagine not having children, or not being able to be a mother. It's only now that I've realised that having kids is actually a big deal for me, much more than carving a career or being a corporate high-flier. I would even be content to be a full-time stay-home mum. Because I believe that any woman can be good at their job but a truly successful woman is one who brings her kids up right.

Week 34: Hospital, Paint, Marmite

2010-05-23T14:57:00.004+01:00

I took 3 days off work this week to go to my hospital appointment on Monday, do bits around the house on Tuesday and attend the last antenatal workshop (3-day course) on Thursday.

Because of my underactive thyroid, I have been placed under consultant care during my pregnancy (which means I will be monitored by an obstetrician in the hospital on top of getting regular check-ups by the midwives at my local clinic). Frankly I don't think I need to be seen by a consultant because my GP can easily monitor my condition and adjust my dosage accordingly, but that's just the way things are.

So the obstetrician ordered another blood test and scheduled an appointment to see me in 2 weeks just to look at my blood results. I think it's a waste of time when I can just pop into my GP surgery across the road so I voiced my opinion but he was insistent I should be given a last check-up before I pop. Okay then, if you insist, I thought.

But the good thing that came out of the visit was he agreed I can be placed under home assessment when I start labour. This means that I can stay at home and be monitored by midwives at home when I start to feel the contractions rather than having to be admitted immediately like women placed under consultant care. Goodness only knows how long the latent phase of labour will last (could be days!) and I would rather be kept comfortable in my own house until I am actively labouring (contractions 5 minutes apart, cervix 4cm dilated) and should be heading to the hospital.

Anyway, on Tuesday, we touched up some grubby spots on the walls and ceilings of the house with white paint and also applied oil varnish on two new wooden kitchen trolleys. Perhaps it was the paint fumes which got to me but by the end of the day I was so drowsy and listless it made me feel horrible!

On Thursday we attended the last antenatal workshop in a series of three organised by the National Childbirth Trust. By some strange coincidence, out of the 8 people or 4 couples who attended the course, half work in hospitals. There was a pharmacist, anesthetist, doctor and R the nurse. Hey, they form a medical team!

I enjoyed the last part of the day where we got to bathe a plastic baby. It was fully dressed and had a nappy on as well. We were encouraged to handle it like we would handle a real baby- we were even told to wrap it up in a towel after undressing it so it wouldn't be cold.

When we were changing its diaper, we discovered our baby had marmite smeared all over its genitals (it had done a poop!) so we had to clean that up the best we could before bathing it in the small tub. R did quite a good job with changing his nappy and washing him so I think I shall delegate this task to him and concentrate on being a milk machine.

Other major updates this week:

Damn all those cakes, chocolates and ice-creams I have been stuffing myself with - I have put on another kilo so my total pregnancy weight gain is now 7kg. I am a fatty! Aaarrgh!
We bought a car! An old Vauxhall Astra Automatic because I am so hopeless with gears! I have to get over my fear of driving and start getting on the road again.
We also got a builder in earlier this week to dig up and re-lay the concrete slabs we have in the back garden because they were all warped and uneven. That's another £400 out of the bank but at least it looks a lot neater now.
I still sleep poorly, need to wee frequently (it's not fun rushing to the toilet thinking you have a full bladder but only weeing a tiny amount), and suffer from groin pain.
Bean has grown to the point where it now hurts when his head pushes down onto my cervix and his legs kicks around my stomach and ribs. He is the most active at dinner time and sleeps usually through the night and wakes up at around 9am. He's a good boy.

Week 33: Knackered!

2010-05-16T21:45:00.000+01:00

On Sunday evening I did something which was so unlike me. I napped. I slept from 6-8pm. Normally I don't take naps because I find that it affects my sleep at night, and even though lots of pregnant women find that snoozing really helps to get them through the day, I have never needed an afternoon kip, until this week.

It has been a busy week. On top of work, I juggled other activities such as attending antenatal classes, supervising wallpapering and travelling a long way to Kent to attend M's wedding over the weekend.

It was wonderful to be a part of M's big day and I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend of catching up with friends but I think the 6-hour journey by public transport to the wedding location on Saturday and then the 4-hour ride back home in our friend's car on Sunday really took it out of me. Especially at this stage of my pregnancy where I am really now finding it a struggle to be mobile.

Somehow, Bean seemed to have dramatically increased in size over a matter of days. R has to hug me from the side where we are standing perpendicular to each other so my bump doesn't get in the way. On some days my groin would hurt so bad that just walking to the corner shop seemed too much for me. I am suddenly finding my bump so big and heavy to carry around.

With him pressing down on my pelvis, I am getting up at least three times a night to wee. Because my belly is now so big, tossing and turning in bed really takes some effort, not to mention that if on top of this he gets restless and decides to kick, punch or squirm, it would then be impossible to really get a decent night's rest. I have on some nights woken up at 4am and could not get back to sleep. Why? I don't know. I guess that is why I get so tired in the day.

Like they say, this could be nature's way of preparing the mother for when the baby arrives and demands milk throughout the night. This last leg of the race is especially difficult to run and now I just can't wait to experience the instant physical relief childbirth will bring.

Week 32: Growth spurt!

2010-05-09T21:28:00.000+01:00

We went to see the midwife on Friday for the routine check-up and she said, "Oh my, you've definitely had a growth spurt!" Really? I thought. I don't feel I have grown that much. But still, I've posted some pictures so you can be the judge.

I have put on another kilogram, so that means I my total pregnancy weight gain so far is 6 kg. My uterus has definitely grown. A month ago my fundal height (length from top of uterus to top of pubic bone) was 28cm and it is now 31.5cm.

There was a male paramedic in the clinic who was doing some training with the midwife since they sometimes have to deliver babies. The midwife asked if it was okay for him to feel my bump and I said yes. So they prodded my belly and the midwife said Bean's head was down below although he hasn't yet engaged (that means the widest part of his head hasn't yet moved into the pelvis). Apparently once that happens, I will feel a sense of relief around my lungs and stomach but increased pressure in my bladder.

Everything else seems fine during the check-up but since I am now very close to giving birth, I will be seeing the midwife every 2 weeks.

I'm pretty proud of ourselves this week because we have been very productive around the house. On Thursday we went to IKEA (yes again, please god let this be the last time!) to pick up another six items of furniture. We put them all of these together within three days and have also gotten a proper dining table set, organised someone to do the wallpapering in the dining room and a builder to re-do the paving in the garden. Even though we are accomplishing lots, there is still so much to do before Bean arrives. Aaargh! I'm really hoping he doesn't come early.

My cold is almost completely gone but I don't feel I am getting as much sleep as I should because frankly there is little I can do to get comfortable in bed with a watermelon belly. Thankfully I can work from home on some days, take more days of annual leave and just ride it out to the best I can till I start my maternity leave at the end of the month. I do really feel I am now all ready to put work aside and be a full-time mum.

This week also, R and I went to visit K and her beautiful 2-week old baby boy. He's a real sweet-natured and well-behaved baby and I am just so chuffed for his parents! Looking at him just makes me want to be able to hold Bean in my arms as soon as possible!

Determined to be happy

2010-05-05T12:19:00.005+01:00

Most people tell me I look well and are even surprised that I appear bubbly and happy. I wonder why they seem surprised. Is it because it's more common to see pregnant mums who look tired waddling around with their huge bumps, spotty skin and greasy hair?

I remember I used to have an ex-colleague just like that. She was SO grumpy when she was pregnant and I would feel so apologetic whenever I had to ask her to do something. She would get out of her chair with such annoyance and effort and waddle slowly to do the task. She never did her job with a smile. I used to be so overcome with guilt that I would buy her bars of chocolate afterwards to thank her for helping me, even though she was actually just doing her job.

This happened a few years back but the image of this grumpy mother-to-be is still vividly ingrained in my brain. So when I got pregnant, I decided that a)I am going to make sure I look bloody good and b)I am not going to be grumpy and "immobile".

Personally, I think it's important to look good, because chances are you'd probably be feeling a little low about your self-image when you are pregnant. You know, putting on weight, skin may be oilier, boobs out of shape, waddling like a duck etc. And I've always found that if I make an effort to look nice, I often feel a lot better about myself. So even though I have only got a few maternity dresses to play around with, I try my very best to come up with different looks everyday, even if it means just putting on a different coloured cardigan.

As far as possible, I make sure I am happy everyday. It was difficult initially because my mother-in-law was very ill and then we hit a rough patch when she passed away, but I really tried to free my mind from negative thoughts and energies and focus on being happy and carefree.

It helps to have a supportive husband and being in a relatively stressless workplace with a great boss and nice colleagues. Although it feels special to have people fussing over me (like my colleagues won't even let me get up from my chair to get the doorbell!), I think contrary to the belief that one should "take things easy", pregnant women can and should still do quite a lot of things as per normal.

Like, I can still move and carry things, as long as they are not too heavy and I do it slowly. Hell if I had children before this pregnancy I expect I would be carrying them around now. Like, I can still walk and take public transport, in fact walking is beneficial for the pregnancy, as long as you don't overdo it. Like, I can still crawl under my desk to look for that darn bottle cap I dropped when unscrewing my water.

The only thing I won't and can't do now is to run for the bus or train, simply because I would look ridiculous and if I fell I may cause damage not only to myself but also to Bean.

I just think that it's important to maintain a relaxed mood because your baby can experience your emotions through chemicals in your blood. And really the last thing I want is a grumpy baby who is hard to please. Of course I won't know if there is any truth to my theory until Bean arrives but I just feel it's a blessing to be able to have children and I want to be able to look back at my pregnancy and remember how much I have enjoyed it.

Week 31: The nursery is ready!

2010-05-03T20:26:00.005+01:00

It took us the whole of April, but I am happy to now say that our baby room is finally ready!

Painting the room took the longest time because we put three coats on and had to spend time touching up bits here and there. We have a relatively new pine chest of drawers and bedside table which were my mother-in-law's and we are reusing them in Bean's room. Then we went to IKEA to get the cot bed. It was a pretty straightforward job putting it together and we only took about an hour.

I took two afternoons off this week to put the safari wall stickers up and to go into town to get Bean's laundry basket, bin, nursing pads, maternity sanitary towels and some other items we need around the house. I also ordered some soothing CDs online which I hope would lull him to sleep and in addition I got a cute wooden panel of hooks to be fixed behind his bedroom door for his clothes. The lovely bunting from Sarah's Loft came on Saturday and she told me she'd made me special ones because I'd written that it would be for my baby's room. That was very thoughtful of her.

In the coming weeks I need to properly launder his clothes and bedding as well as pack my hospital bag. It's not long to go now and I keep having this fear that he might come early and I haven't gotten anything ready.

I'm also experiencing quite a lot of groin pain and lower abdominal tenderness which I believe is due to the pressure from the growing bump as well as the baby pushing downwards. Bean is getting stronger and his kicks can now cause discomfort even though my bump is still very compact at this point. Most people would think I am only 6 months gone.

This week, while I am very satisfied with the progress we have made with Bean's room, I have unfortunately caught a cold which is leaving me quite tired because I can't get much sleep at night with my congested nose.

Honestly at this point in time I can't wait to finish work (another 3 more weeks) because all I can think of now is getting the house ready for Bean and my Mum!

Week 30: I love being pregnant!

2010-04-25T09:01:00.007+01:00

Okay I know I sound a bit Jekyll & Hyde here because I have moaned in so many other posts about feeling miserable in pregnancy. BUT! This week has been really brilliant. I feel great, I have a good appetite, I am sleeping really well, I feel strangely more agile, I am positive and Bean is kicking lots.

I would lie down and watch my whole belly wobble as he moves about. He is like a little Loch Ness monster. His body parts would occasionally push or grind hard against my abdominal wall so I can feel the growing tension and touch his little hard foot or head or hand. Then he submerges deep into the womb and the surface of my belly becomes soft again. It's really fun for me and R, although R does find touching the "hard, stony" bits of him a bit weird and somewhat gross.

We attended an all-day antenatal workshop at the hospital yesterday. It was delivered by one of the midwives in the labour ward and I thought she did an excellent presentation. We talked through the labour and delivery process, pain relief options, breastfeeding and the best part was getting a tour of the labour ward and watching them wash a 24-hour old baby. Oh yes, we also learnt about poo colours. It should start off black like tar or Marmite, then become orangey and then dark yellow. Lovely!

Because the midwife was so good at explaining what to expect and what we should do when we are in labour, I am feeling a lot more confident and mentally prepared for it. I found the explanation of how the cervix would open during birth particularly helpful because before that, although I knew you are supposed to dilate to 10cm before you should push your baby out, I didn't know what that really means.

Basically, with each contraction, the uterine muscles shorten, which gradually pulls back the cervix so it will eventually fit over the head of the baby. It's a bit like putting on a turtleneck jumper. It will stretch so that your head can go through the hole. There is no point pushing when the hole is not wide enough because the baby will not go through and you will just tire yourself out.

Knowledge rocks!

On Monday, we went to IKEA and got a carful of items for the house. We got a cot bed which Bean can sleep in till he's at least four, two wooden kitchen trolleys so we can move the dining table and chairs into the new dining room.

And today we spent the whole day building everything. I'm pleased to announce that the nursery is looking fabulous! I just need to put up my cartoon wall decals and cotton bunting! Once I've done that I'll take some pictures and post them here.

Oh! Another thing which really made my week was finding out that K has had her baby boy on Thursday. She had quite a straightforward delivery in the birthing pool with minimum pain relief and I am so over the moon for her.

I'm a happy mummy this week!

Week 29: Vomiting, heartburn, hairy baby, Yong Tau Foo

2010-04-18T20:29:00.001+01:00

This week wasn't exactly great. It started out okay though, until Wednesday lunchtime. I was working from home so I had a sandwich and a couple of chicken wings. Shortly after that I felt sharp pain in my gut so I knew it was a heartburn attack.

I quickly downed Gaviscon but that didn't help so there I was as usual, groaning, hyperventilating, twisted in agony. I took a stronger tablet to in an attempt to control the stomach acid and also drank some peppermint tea which eventually did help to knock back the pain. But it was still there in the background right till dinnertime.

For dinner, I made some pasta and forced myself to eat a small bowlful because sometimes a bit of food can help to improve the situation. I also drank fizzy water and 7-up because the carbon dioxide usually works at neutralising the acid. But the pain continued to bedtime and I laid awake through the night rubbing my stomach. Nothing seemed to have helped.

I made and drank more peppermint tea but in my terrible state knocked the mug onto the carpet. This of course woke R and he helped to clean up the mess and offered to get me more Gaviscon. The moment I downed it I felt an urgent need to be sick. I tried to fight the feeling but I was salivating and I could feel it coming up my throat. Thankfully I made it to the toilet where I vomited twice.

Being a nurse, R remained calm and went to get me a glass of water to rinse out my mouth. I kept telling him to go away as I didn't want him to see me throw up. But he said, "Don't be silly, what do you think I do everyday?" So anyway, I felt a lot better after puking and I managed to finally sleep for a few hours. I couldn't however, face going to work, so I called in sick in the morning. My guts were also very bloated and painful still so I went to see the doctor.

She examined me and said the womb is pushing right up against the stomach which makes me more susceptible to heartburn and indigestion. She prescribed a liquid medication similar to but apparently more effective than Gaviscon for me to take after meals. I could barely walk because my insides were hurting so bad. Later, when my stomach pains had gone, I realised I was all tender from vomiting - I had pulled my abdominal muscles when I threw up.

That day I did not and could not do anything. I slept for three hours, read for a little while in bed and had a small bowl of clear chicken soup and some bread at mealtimes. At night the muscle pain kept me awake and it still hurt to walk so I worked from home the next day.

By the evening I felt well enough to head into town for a few hours. I had arranged to have dinner with two Singaporean girls at a Chinese restaurant which had Hakka Yong Tau Foo and I didn't want to re-schedule the appointment. I also wanted to drop by K's place (she lives near the restaurant) to see her before she pops.

Since I last saw her, K had developed a lovely big bump and her baby could come any moment now. We sat around to have chocolate cake while her dog kept us entertained. She looked great and appeared to be calm and confident about the impending birth. I can only hope I would be half as composed as she is.

After two days of bad belly, I was happy to indulge myself in some nice food at the restaurant. The Hakka Yong Tau Foo was absolutely delicious but I did not overeat and thank goodness the evening went pain-free.

I heard from a friend who also suffered from terrible pregnancy heartburn that women who had that were more likely to give birth to hairier babies. I thought it was an old wives' tale until I read this - there is actually scientific proof to that theory! Oh my god I hope Bean doesn't come out looking like a baby chimp!

Pregnancy talent #3

2010-04-17T12:49:00.005+01:00

R accidentally discovered this new talent of mine when I was lying in bed. I can make my knickers disappear between my bump and thighs. Can you?

Week 28: 摆家乐 Home & Decor Survivor

2010-04-11T09:05:00.010+01:00

This week I feel a bit like being on Channel 8's 摆家乐, because we have been turning the house around quite a bit.

We finished painting Bean's room this week, giving it three coats of paint. Even though it is a VERY small room, it's amazing how long it takes to do a good job, especially around the windows.

We opted for Laura Ashley's Eau de Nil, which is a sort of pastel green. I picked the colour because I don't really like the gender-stereotyping idea of blue walls for a boy and pink walls for a girl. I also ordered some animal safari wall stickers from the US and pastel buntings from Sarah's Loft which I hope will add a bit of interest to the otherwise plain room.

On Wednesday, one of R's nephews came over to help us shift some furniture around the house. We cleared out the futon from the room next to ours because we wanted to build a bed in there and get it ready as my mother's room (or a guest room when she is not here).

My "office" was also moved and a red chest of drawers we placed somewhere else now sits in my mother's room as her dressing table cum storage. Then the pine wardrobe and a chest of drawers were redistributed from the room my mother-in-law's was in, so we can get that space ready as a dining room cum "baby pram and stuff area".

Being pregnant, I couldn't really do anything apart from getting out of their way when the two men did all the hard work. The only thing I did was to share with them my tin of shortbread after they finished moving.

We also arranged for the refuse collectors to pick up some old pieces of furniture. There are more to be disposed of next week.

On Thursday and Friday, we did more painting because I took two days off work to sort as much of the house out as we could. We painted one of the walls in my mother's room a deep rich red and then built her bed. My mother told me I mustn't be in the room when R used the hammer, but thankfully he only used it once or twice since we could put the pieces together using just an Allen Key.

We also made a trip to the antenatal clinic so they could take my blood to check if I was anaemic. I was given information on breastfeeding and by pressing around my belly, the midwife told me that Bean's head was down in my cervix, his back was against my left abdomen and his limbs were up against my right ribcage (roughly like the picture below). It's amazing how she knows all this just by poking me around in the tummy!

I weighed myself and I have put on a total of 5 kg since getting pregnant. My latest food craving is anything sharp and citrusy. I suck on a orange or lemon ice-lolly every day and R got me some lemon sorbet when he went to the supermarket yesterday.

Today, I spent more time painting - this time I did the wooden skirting board in the dining room to freshen it up as the existing paint job was looking dirty and tired. I also need to do a bit of tidying around the house. There is always so much to do and it can be difficult when we both hold full-time jobs. All I can say is, I'm glad we are getting a start on it now rather than wait till I no longer have as much mobility or energy.

I know this may gross some people out but I can now feel Bean's skeleton when he presses right up against the wall of my abdomen. I don't exactly know what I'm feeling but it is something hard so it could be his foot, his head, his elbow. And when I rub against it, he moves away in response.

He is a pretty determined little fellow. Although he hasn't kicked me hard enough to keep me awake at night (yet), he does kick vigorously when I scrunch up lying on my side, because the lack of space makes him uncomfortable. So I have to toss and turn to find a position we both find comfortable and this can take some time.

But I love the little bubba and I am getting pretty excited now at the thought of finally meeting him. I just hope he doesn't chew off my nipples.

Pregnancy talent #2

2010-04-05T18:35:00.006+01:00

I have NEVER been somebody with a sweet tooth. Yes I'll occasionally have a slice of cake with a cup of coffee at a cafe when I'm in the mood but I don't stock ice-cream or cakes or or sweets cookies or chocolates in the house. It's just the way I've been brought up - we never had any cakes or Western confectionery in the house. I don't THINK about desserts when I finish my main meal.

That, my friends, has all changed since getting pregnant. Now in my last trimester, I have turned into a pudding (British for dessert) monster. I like sherbets, jellies, cakes, trifles, ice-creams, mousses, chocolates, yoghurts, have I mentioned cakes?

I don't eat huge amounts (but I know I can be capable of that if I become weak-willed) or eat them everyday but it's the fact that I now actually CRAVE for all these sweet desserts which scare me. I actually consciously THINK about them and hover around Marks and Spencer's dessert section salivating at all the scrumptious cakes.

When I went to my sister-in-law's yesterday, I had a chocolate muffin with icing and chocolate Easter eggs AND a generous dollop of raspberry trifle. Before this I had a cup of fruit jelly.

Oh it's bad. I'm terrified I'll become a real fatty. Oh it depresses me.

I think I need a cookie.

Week 27: Nesting

2010-04-04T22:59:00.007+01:00

I debated with myself if I should post the picture of me wearing barely nothing but I really want you to see my bump since most of you won't be able to see it in person. I'll be 7 months pregnant next week and Bean is really growing at an astonishing rate. Both Bean and I will be experiencing a massive growth spurt in the next couple of months. I can only hope he is not one of those massive monster babies and I don't morph into a giant whale, because believe it or not, I haven't really put on that much weight so far, as you can see above.

This week, Bean is really responding to sounds and is moving around quite a lot. He can also now open and close his eyes. (Not that I can see). Carrying him now puts a strain on my back and I am really feeling less mobile and agile with a bump sticking out in the front. It tends to brush against or bump into things.

We went to IKEA on Thursday just to check out what kind of furniture items we may need for our redecoration project. There are a few pieces we would like to pick up - including a cot, rugs, a chest of drawers, standed lamps and other bits and bobs. But I feel we should first sort the rooms out - i.e. reorganise and move existing furniture into the respective rooms we want them in and clear out unwanted items - before we go on a buying spree.

On Good Friday we spent a good few hours painting the baby room. It looks horribly patchy at the moment with only one coat of paint but next week we want to give it another go and when that's finished I'll put up some cute wall stickers.

This weekend I cleaned and cooked, went to my sister-in-law's for an Easter egg hunt she organised for her grandchildren, and slept in late. It's lovely not to think about work for a few days.

I haven't exactly put my feet up and just rot on the couch over the long weekend, but it feels good to succumb to the nesting instinct and busy myself around the house. Because frankly, if Bean wasn't on his way, we wouldn't be as motivated to get things sorted.

I love my husband

2010-03-31T15:20:00.004+01:00

Because he goes and gets me Sausage McMuffin every week to satisfy my craving.

Because he rubs my back when I am tired from carrying the bump.

Because he carries my bag for me so I can waddle faster.

Because he removes my toe polish for me and offers to cut my toenails.

Because he rushes to get me Gaviscon and peppermint tea when I clutch my stomach in pain and sweat profusely during a heartburn attack.

Because he is going to paint our son's room.

Because he looked after me when I had my terrible toothache.

Because he reads to Bean every other day.

Because he puts up with my moaning and groaning.

Because he loves me and Bean.

Week 26: Time to slow down I think

2010-03-27T21:49:00.006Z

We spent a few days in Barcelona this week, which was absolutely lovely because prior to this I had never been to Spain and didn't know Spanish food is so delicious! It was nice to get away and spend time together although the walking did get a bit too much for me in the end.

Bean is now almost 2 pounds and getting very strong and active. He kicks me a lot in the day and they are no longer the gentle little taps but proper thumps which can be somewhat uncomfortable.

I have noticed this week my bump is getting bigger and pointier and I now have to pull or push something to get myself off whatever I may be sitting on (chair, bed, floor). I also have trouble cutting my toenails because my hands can barely reach my toes with the bump being in the way. R had to help me remove my toe polish today.

My appetite is not too bad and I have managed to keep the heartburn and indigestion at bay by strictly limiting the portion size for my evening meal. I often have nothing more than a small bowl of food. If I do get hungry in the night, I get up and have a couple of biscuits. This I find is so much better than rolling around in stomach pains.

I don't think being pregnant means you need to constantly stuff yourself crazy or eat a lot more than usual. My appetite is smaller than before I got pregnant and the baby is still growing well. I think it's more important when you are pregnant, to eat well, rather than to eat loads.

Sleeping is still somewhat tricky because I have to be mindful of my bump whichever position I am in. And if you have a watermelon around your middle, every toss and turn is a struggle.

This week has been a real hectic one for me, combining Barcelona with work with a weekend teacher training course. I haven't properly rested at all in the month of March and while I'd still like to stay active right up to the day I pop, I would really like to slow down at work (cut down on the travelling across Wales) and spend my time off really looking after myself and getting the house ready for Bean.

Yes, that shall be my goal for April.

Week 25: Dental agony

2010-03-20T11:25:00.005Z

I never knew toothaches could be sooooooo bad.

I don't proclaim to have good teeth - I have fillings everywhere, but until this week, I have never had such a terrible toothache. Well yeah okay I was in agony for a few days in 2005 because my wisdom tooth had nowhere to sprout but that was just a persistent dull, sore ache which resolved after my dentist pulled out my tooth.

But this pain was something else. It started suddenly a few weeks ago, after I chewed on some gum. And then it just got progressively worse, until one day I could not let anything touch that tooth (air, water, food, spoon, everything) because it was throbbing with pain and I had my head buried in my hands.

I thought at that point what they said was true. Pregnancy could really cost you a tooth. I had no choice but to go to the dentist because I could not get past one day without painkillers stronger than paracetamol and I shouldn't really be taking them when I am pregnant.

The dentist gave me a jab in my gum to numb me because he wanted to drill into my temporary filling to see what the problem was. The jab really hurt but wasn't very effective so he had to give me another one to block my nerves. So I sat and waited with a swollen, numb mouth for the anasthetic to take full effect before going back into the room. This time I felt absolutely no pain so he drilled away and said there was a crack in the tooth but he had got rid of it and filled the hole with more white temporary filling.

I was glad R came with me because it was really quite a traumatic experience. With my mouth still numb, I couldn't talk properly but I could finally eat a proper meal in days as the anasthetic was still in effect. I had a bowl of noodles.

When the numbness wore off, the tooth still felt sore but it was nowhere near anything as painful as what I had experienced before. Gradually the tooth got better and although it has almost recovered 100% now, I am still cautious when biting and chewing.

The dentist's plan is for me to get a permanent mercury filling once I've had the baby because the temporary filling will only last a couple of months. I'm just hoping this is all the dental nightmare I'm going to get while I am pregnant. Nothing is more terrible than experiencing discomfort and pain but not being able to do anything for fear of harming the baby.

I guess the only consolation is dental work is free for pregnant women and up to 12 months after they've had the baby. The pregnancy and losing a tooth thing must hold some truth to it then.

Week 24: Miserable

2010-03-14T10:20:00.006Z

Happy Mother's Day!

But I have been feeling miserable this week.

I'm tired.

Tired of carrying around the bump, tired of not being able to get comfortable in bed, tired of getting up three times a night to go to the loo, tired when I am standing or walking around, tired of getting heartburn and indigestion, tired of not having any appetite in the evenings, tired of being so careful about what medication I can and cannot take, tired of being constipated, tired of having to remind myself to take extra fibre, calcium and iron.

I'm tired of being pregnant!

I had another terrible heartburn attack on Wednesday evening, which left me sitting at the top of the stairs gasping in pain while R rushed to get me Gaviscon and peppermint tea. I have gone back to not having any appetite in the evenings and am contented with just having toast or cereal for dinner.

The whole week I suffered from pain in a lower tooth which got worse two days after I visited the dentist to get the cavity filled. I have never had bad toothaches before and this one is just getting worse by day to the point where the pain makes me cry.

Now, I can't touch the tooth, eat or drink in a way which allows food to come into contact with the tooth, and it's just pure agony. R bought me a tube of Sensodyne toothpaste which seems to have helped a little but it's off to the dentist again tomorrow to find out what is wrong. I'm worried about taking stronger painkillers (paracetamol has not much effect) for fear of harming the baby but trying to endure the pain is such a torture.

This pregnancy hasn't been bad in many respects but it has really brought misery in other ways. I honestly cannot wait for the day where I can get myself back again.

I love you, boy

2010-03-12T09:10:00.003Z

The best part of being pregnant is being able to feel his little kicks, little punches, little wiggles. I cannot imagine that in a few months he will no longer be a part of me. And I just find it so amazing that anyone can be filled with so much love for someone they don't even know and haven't even met.

Week 23: New problems!

2010-03-07T17:21:00.000Z

The pregnancy is getting more difficult as I am about to enter my 6th month.

I am getting more breathless carrying around the bump. Standing up straight stretches the skin around my belly and makes it very uncomfortable. My back aches because I have extra weight in the middle.

I am experiencing leg cramps at night, having problems with my teeth (although this could have nothing to do with being pregnant), feeling more tired, having trouble getting a good night's sleep or getting into a comfortable position in bed.

But the good things are: I am still having good skin and hair, my appetite has picked up, I am able to enjoy sex again and my breasts are no longer tender.

Bean continues to be very active throughout the day. He kicks me in the cervix (weird sensation that is), in the bladder (makes me sometimes want to wet myself), pokes me in my belly button, underneath my rib cage and in either side of my belly. I can now make out whether he's changing positions or moving his limbs around, but I haven't felt him hiccuping yet.

This week we:

stocked up on nappies when they were on sale
got our second-hand Quinny Buzz pushchair, carry cot and foot muff
booked our place on the antenatal training course in April

Our upcoming project is to spruce up the house and get it ready for Bean, I can't wait to get started!

Sorry

2010-03-02T14:31:00.001Z

We laid in bed and R looked at my growing belly. I fidgeted around to find a comfortable position. He frowned and turned all serious, "Do you blame me for doing this to you?" "No," I replied. I couldn't be happier to be having a baby with someone I love.

My kicking watermelon

2010-03-02T14:08:00.003Z

These days I am really getting increasingly breathless and uncomfortable. When R picked me up from the train station to walk me home yesterday evening, I told him it was so tiring walking around with the bump. I said I wish I could carry it like a watermelon and he said, "Go on then!". So I put my arms under my belly, bent my back and carried my bump home.

Week 22: Yet another emotional rollercoaster ride

2010-02-26T13:44:00.007Z

It has been a crazy 7 days.

On Sunday we went to Penang for a couple of days and I found that all that walking plus being in the hot sun really tired me out. My ankles swelled and became painful at the end of the day. But I enjoyed the daily swims in the warm pool and I'm hoping to continue swimming in the UK.

I had a real craving for Japanese food so on our last night in Malaysia we went to a Japanese restaurant in the hotel and I ordered this HUGE dinner set. I gave my sashimi to R and I tucked into the hot nabe, steamed egg and tempura. I was so gastronomically satisfied at the end of the meal!

Before we left, my aunt brought me a box of bird's nest and a ceramic pot. According to her, taking this expensive delicacy will give Bean a beautiful fair complexion. She told me, "Just take as much as you want, if you don't have enough, let us know and we will DHL it over." Goodness, I was so overwhelmed by her kindness and generousity!

We got back to the UK on Wednesday evening and found that my mother-in-law's health had deteriorated suddenly. She slipped into a coma and passed away on Saturday morning. Dealing with this on top of the jet-lag is very difficult, and I am trying so hard take control of my emotions so I don't stress the baby. But sometimes this is easier said than done.

On Friday I went to see the midwife to get my Maternity Certificate for the employer (to claim maternity pay) and got to hear Bean's heartbeat (142 bpm). My uterus is now 1.5 inches above my belly button and my fundal height is 23 cm. Although I am not very big, it already is difficult to carry around the bump. My skin gets so tight and I can feel my belly weighing me down as I walk.

At this stage, Bean weighs around 430g, has developed a sense of touch and taste. He may be able to detect strong flavours in the amniotic fluid, which probably explains why Bean was somersaulting like crazy when I had my Assam Laksa in Penang.

I feel tired, sleep-deprived, emotional, overwhelmed and totally not up for going back to work tomorrow.

Things often all happen at once, don't they?

Week 21: Hot and bothered!

2010-02-21T13:19:00.004Z

Happy Year of the Tiger!

I continued to gorge on the delicious local dishes this week and enjoyed being around family and friends. My belly has become more noticeable and on a few occasions I have been offered seats on the train and bus, which is really nice.

The heat however, is now more unbearable for me as my metabolism increases. It is very uncomfortable for me to walk about in the humid weather and I can't seem to tolerate being in the sun anymore. The solution: holding an umbrella wherever I go.

I am also now finding it impossible to lay flat on the bed as my uterus would stretch out uncomfortably, so I need to be propped up with several pillows, including one to support my bump as I sleep sideways.

On the plus side, my skin and hair is less greasy than normal and when I went for my facial session in Singapore, my beautician commented that there is nothing much to extract and I was so thrilled!

On Thursday I went to Changi General Singapore to see my consultant endocrinologist for my annual thyroid check-up and he increased my medication from 75mcg to 100mcg per day as my levels have clearly dipped in pregnancy. With the additional boost in thyroxin, I do feel better and less fatigued. On learning that I am expecting a little boy, the doctor said, "Well done, that's the way!" What a typical Asian male!

My family really looked after me when I was back home, always warning me if the toilet or floor was wet, refusing to let me carry any heavy items, making sure I was eating and sleeping properly.

We booked an air ticket for my mother to join us in the UK in the middle of June, and she'll be staying till the beginning of September. She's not that keen on looking after the baby but at least she can take charge of my meals and help me around the house.

I'm just so thankful she retired in time to be able to be around when the baby is born!

Week 20: Food glorious food!

2010-02-15T02:40:00.005Z

I'm sorry, this has to be a short entry.

I have been too busy pigging out on the delicious local food since I got back to Singapore on Wednesday and who has time to blog? And oh, my bloating and indigestion? WHAT bloating and indigestion? It has been miraculously cured since I got back home! These days I simply walk around smacking my lips and wearing a contented idiotic grin plastered on my face.

The flight home was smooth and uneventful, and I even got to have chicken rice for dinner on the plane. However I found it difficult to sleep or get comfortable as I constantly felt hot and breathless on board.

Bean was well-behaved throughout the journey but he was very restless on my second night in Singapore, kicking me so hard during the night that I could actually see my tummy move. I know it when he is unhappy because he affects my mood too and when he starts throwing a tantrum in my belly I will be grumpy the whole day.

Yesterday afternoon we decided to test if Bean could respond to touch and I tried tapping my belly. After a little while I could feel Bean wriggling around and then he gave us a few good strong kicks which proved he could sense vibrations.

I am already starting to have trouble getting comfortable in bed even now when I don't have a particularly large belly and I am seriously wondering how I will be able to cope as I enter the third trimester.

I don't know how to explain the feeling of carrying all this extra weight around my waist. I suppose the closest description would be: it's how one would feel after having 10 big plates of food at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Week 19: We see Bean again!

2010-02-05T20:37:00.004Z

I had my 19-week scan on Tuesday morning and because the foetus is now considerably larger, I didn't have to do it with a full bladder. My sister-in-law came along with us, because although she is the grandmother of two young children, she hasn't actually been to an ultrasound scan.

Bean was wriggling around as usual when the scan was done and the first things we saw were his spine and ribs as he had his back to us. Later on, the sonographer located the heart, kidneys, bladder, brain and checked that all vital organs appeared normal.

As she moved down to check his legs, we could see him playing with the umbilical cord. And then the sonographer told us, we are expecting a little boy! This came as no surprise since I'd already got a good feeling it was a boy right from the start. We even got to see his little testes and tiny pecker, all already fully formed even at this stage!

I wasn't really overwhelmed at the scan but my sister-in-law was quite tearful. But I must admit there's definitely something special about seeing a tiny little life on the screen, so vulnerable yet so perfect even though it is so small and delicate. And seeing that surely reaffirms the fact that I am REALLY pregnant, and not just getting fat.

My sister-in-law dropped me off at home after the scan and several hours later, popped by again with some newborn baby-gros. You could definitely tell how excited she was about her nephew!

I spent last weekend taking some teenagers away to West Wales for two nights to work on our project and that really tired me out. To make matters worse, I slipped on an icy mild slope one morning and hurt my ankle. Bean wasn't hurt thankfully, but I spent the week limping around in agony.

This week I also had a meeting with my HR coordinator to go through a risk assessment form for pregnant women, which highlighted what I should/should not be doing at work. E.g. no moving of heavy items, take regular breaks etc. Now with my bump more visible, everyone at work is looking after me a bit more, which is really nice.

My sense of smell is heightened this week, so if I smell food when I am not having a meal myself it, makes my stomach turn. Poor R had to eat a bowl of cereal for dinner one night when he came home after a late shift because he said "it's the only food that has no smell".

I have also discovered that if I stick to small portions of food throughout the day, I have no problems with heartburn and indigestion, so that's what I have been doing the whole week. I've also been religiously practising yoga at home every other day just to keep my body flexible.

With Bean growing bigger by day, his kicks and punches are also a lot stronger and I can now feel him moving about every few hours, having fun in the womb.

Next week, we will be flying back to Singapore to spend Chinese New Year with my family and it will be the first time they are seeing me with a visible bump. I do hope they don't find it too weird, as I do sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THERE?

Zzzzzzzzzz

2010-02-05T20:34:00.002Z

Fell asleep when R read Roald Dahl's Charlie & The Chocolate Factory to Bean. We love bedtime stories. And I realised how much I love my husband.

My first wave

2010-02-02T14:43:00.004Z

I'm Bean. I'm 19 weeks old. My hobbies are swimming and kicking. I'm naughty but I think I love my Mummy. It's nice when Daddy reads to me at night. Hope to see you in a few months.

Week 18: Itchy Belly

2010-01-30T15:37:00.005Z

This week, I noticed that if I eat slowly, in small quantities and earlier in the evening, I don't feel the effects of indigestion as much. For a couple of nights now I haven't had to take Gaviscon after my evening meal and can sleep peacefully through the night. Also, I have found that eating a couple of Rich Tea biscuits near bedtime helps to settle the stomach and stop the churning, so I snack on one or two of them in between meals just to keep the acid at bay.

I can feel Bean moving everyday now, twitching, stretching, punching. Some days he's a bit more active and other days he prefers to be laidback. I feel him moving the most when I sit cross-legged on the bed or sofa, or if I lie on my sides with my belly touching the bed.

On Tuesday I went to Marks and Spencer's to get measured for maternity bras. The sales advisor was really friendly and gave good advice on how to go about selecting suitable ones. I tried on a few and with her help, managed to pick two which fitted me well.

I decided to get the maternity bras because I could feel I was out-growing my usual underwear and I felt it was necessary to give my ever growing chest the right support to minimise on stretch marks. On that note, I am also now wearing a bra to bed every night. Thankfully, maternity bras do not come with underwire so they are extremely comfortable.

As my skin on my belly and boobs stretch and expand, I am itching like crazy everyday. I ought to be wearing mittens because my belly already has ugly red lines caused by my excessive scratching throughout the day. But the itch is so unbearable even Bio Oil doesn't help!

In two days I'll be having my 19-week scan and I do hope everything goes well. Watch this space for updates!

Can you keep a secret?

2010-01-26T13:37:00.003Z

I am scheduled for a 19-week ultrasound scan next week where Bean will hopefully reveal to me whether it is a BOY or a GIRL. So for those of you who haven't voted on its gender yet, hurry up and do so! You don't have very long.

The annoying thing is R doesn't want to know the sex of the baby, so he will be leaving the examination room when the sonographer tells me what she can see. Because of this, I will not be able to reveal the exciting truth to family and friends when I return to Singapore in February, in case they let slip during conversations with him.

But be patient my dears, I will share it with all of you when he's not looking at this blog, but shhhhh keep it to yourselves!

Competition: The Name Game

2010-01-25T12:36:00.000Z

If you have been reading me here or over at Tinted Glasses, you would know that I am now four months pregnant. Naturally we have been thinking about baby names but R and I are having trouble deciding on something we both like. Whenever a name comes up we would go, “It’s too poser”, “With that name s/he is going get made fun of”, “That doesn’t sound right” etc etc.

So we think perhaps it would be a good idea to open it the floor for suggestions! At this point in time we don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl, so feel free to submit names for either genders. Interesting but not poser or tacky names are preferred, and it would be a real bonus if your suggested names could reflect our heritages. Oh and it’s important that it sounds nice with R’s surname, Hope.

We’ll be offering a surprise gift for the best suggestion, so keep those entries coming! Have fun!

Week 17: Stomachache and Indigestion

2010-01-22T17:53:00.006Z

After regaining my appetite for about a month, I'm back to square one! This time it is due to indigestion.

I woke up in the middle of Monday night with such a terrible acute pain in the centre of my stomach that I could not stand up straight. I had to wake R up because I was at my wits' end and so frightened about my condition. I was whimpering and sweating, clutching my stomach and my pulse was racing. R made me a cup of concentrated peppermint tea and I had some Gaviscon and the pain went away.

But after that episode my stomach started giving me trouble everyday. I felt it took ages for me to digest my food and I had a lot of wind. In the evenings it got worse and I would develop stomach pains in the middle of the night. I tried cutting down the meal portions and eating earlier in the evening. On Thursday evening, I decided just to have a bowl of cereal with fruit and nuts for dinner. But still I belched a lot and developed some discomfort.

On Friday I went to see my GP for some advice. She was very nice and told me as the womb grows it pushes up against the intestines and stomach and causes discomfort. In addition, the surge in progesterone slows down the digestive process and that too causes problems with the bowels and stomach. She prescribed some liquid peppermint for me to take after each meal.

Honestly, the number of medicines and vitamins I have to take has increased two-fold since I got pregnant and it's really a task to have to remember when and how to take them. But the liquid peppermint has definitely helped, but despite that, night time indigestion and discomfort seems to be a regular thing now.

As for R, he has been busy researching on breast pumps and push chairs and buying nappies, nipple cream and wet wipes. He's been talking to mothers about breastfeeding, stopping women in the streets to ask them about their push chairs and checking me for stretch marks. I'm glad he's so involved in the pregnancy and taken up the task of researching and sourcing the best valued baby products, because that's something I don't particularly enjoy doing.

As it turns out it's not been too good a week for me but the best thing so far has to be the increased quickening I've been feeling these days. The best way I can describe it would be like someone gently prodding you from inside. It's such a lovely, lovely feeling and whenever I get these flutters, I melt and think everything is worth it!

Week 16: Blessed

2010-01-17T17:11:00.007Z

On Monday, I discussed my maternity leave plans with my employer. Although many women in Britain take 9-12 months off work, I am planning to return to my job in 7 months. But whilst I am off work, I'd like to spend as much time as I can afford to be in Singapore so Bean can be with family and friends.

On Friday, I had my bloods taken again - this time it was for Down's Syndrome screening.

This week, we also got some Bio-Oil from the pharmacy to rub on my belly and breasts to prevent stretch marks from developing. And one day while rubbing the oil in, I noticed how big my bump has become! I am certainly not used to seeing myself so fat and bloated!

Although I really don't feel like I want to be up to anything much, I have decided I must force myself to do some exercise and yoga, because I have heard that would really help in having an easier delivery.

Now the size of an avocado, Bean's hearing is developed by this week so we have been reading Beatrix Potter's stories to him/her in the evenings. Bean is also really getting active as I have been feeling more flutters in my womb.

Yesterday, K and I went to Weston-Super-Mare, a small seaside town in England 90 minutes away from Cardiff, to visit one of our friends who had moved there.

She has a three-month old little boy and had plenty of useful tips and insight to share with us. After cooking us a lovely nutritional meal of noodles and seaweed soup, she brought us to her room and placed heaps of baby clothes onto the bed for us to take home!

Her son had outgrown all the little newborn outfits so she was happy to give away all the clothes. The plan is for K to have them all first and then when Bean comes along two months after her son, she would hand them down to me. We were both glad we haven't bought anything for our babies!

In addition, I also inherited e a lovely Moses basket, which Bean can initially sleep in during his/her first few months, until s/he is big enough to go in the cot.

Bean and I are so blessed!

Week 15: Enjoying the ride

2010-01-09T15:42:00.004Z

This has been one of my few quiet weeks. Apart from the visit to the obstetrician in my local hospital, who confirmed my brown spotting is nothing to worry about, I feel so well this week, I could even forget I am pregnant!

My uterus has shifted upwards and is about 3 inches below my belly button, which means it is no longer pressing on my bladder and I am not running to the toilet 4 times a night. I get up at least once every night to go to the toilet, but there have been some nights where I sleep through. I am also sleeping a lot better compared to during my first few weeks of pregnancy, and as a result, I feel a lot better in the day. I am less moody, I concentrate better, my appetite has improved and I just feel happier!

On some occasions I have been able to feel tiny movements, known as quickening. At the moment I don't get these feelings regularly, but as Bean continue to grow I will get to sense his little kicks more often. This week, Bean has been busy practising how to breathe by inhaling and exhaling fluid in the amniotic sac, while I have been finding it hard to catch my breath sometimes since my heart is working 20% harder for the both of us.

I am planning to do aqua-aerobics and pregnancy yoga classes as I have heard the exercise really helps to make the delivery quicker and easier. I've also been thinking if I should take 6 or 9 months off work. I only get a fraction of my salary toward the last months of the maternity leave, but while you can always earn the money back someday, you can't get back those moments with your baby which you have missed out on.

We are also making plans for my mother to visit and look after me when the baby is born and for us to spend a few months back in Singapore later this year.

This week finally, I am starting to fully enjoy the experience of being pregnant!

Pregnancy talent #1

2010-01-05T13:07:00.004Z

I have recently discovered I can cry on demand, thanks to my surging hormones. And it's such a different feeling when I cry. It's so intense when I start and I can't seem to be able to stop it! With my newfound talent, I must audition for one of the roles in Qiong Yao's soppy dramas. It's a pre-requisite for the actors to be able to cry every few minutes.

p.s. have you voted yet?

Worry over!

2010-01-04T17:55:00.005Z

Finally, after two weeks of fretting, I went for my antenatal check-up at the hospital and finally found out what is causing the brown discharge.

The obstetrician did a cervical examination and told me the bleeding is not from the uterus but from the cervix. I have what's called cervical ectropion, which is common among pregnant women.

Because the reproductive organs are so swollen with blood during this time, the skin is sensitive and can break easily. I have a 1cm little tear which is slowly bleeding, which explains the brown spotting. It should resolve on its own in its own time.

Aside from the cervical examination, the doctor also pressed and felt my tummy to ascertain the size of the baby, which she found satisfactory.

Now that I know everything is normal, I can finally start to enjoy being fat and pregnant!

Week 14: Clothes shopping

2010-01-03T21:31:00.006Z

First of all, Happy New Year everyone! This is my last week off work (I've been on holidays since the 16th) but sadly I don't feel like I'm ready to get my act together. Who does eh, after such a long break?

I'm having difficulty squeezing into my old jeans and I've decided to get some new clothes instead of forcing myself into what I've got and ruining their shape. So I hit the sales in town and managed to get a few bits and bobs but I didn't go too crazy because who needs so many maternity clothes? I won't be fat forever right? (with any luck that is)

I managed to get a pair of denim bermudas for when I go back to Singapore, a cotton A-line dress, a cute slogan t-shirt, a pair of black track pants which I think is too small so I'll now have to exchange it, a chiffon printed dress in size 16, a black classic floaty dress from H&M and a printed top.

I also managed to take the maternity jeans I inherited to the Thai seamstress in the market to get them shortened. And! R's sister picked up a lovely pair of slim black trousers in the sale for me, which I will have to grow into over the next months.

I've been looking high and low for a white rocking chair but little did I know that there is one right under my nose! I only found out after speaking to R's sister, who told me there is a rocking chair handed down over the generations. Apparently it is over 60 years old and is specially handcrafted.

I went to see it a couple of weeks ago in my nephew-in-law's house. He used it for his 5-year-old daughter when she was just born and with their youngest child pushing two, there is now little need for them to keep the chair.

I love the idea of handed down items. When you think of how many different mothers and fathers have sat on the chair and rocked their children to sleep, you realise having stuff which have such a rich history really beat getting some plywood rubbish from IKEA.

This week, I've also gotten some of my appetite back and I even manage to like fish and salad again! I've also started to have a whole load of other cravings. They include flavoured teas, McDonalds's breakfasts, potatoes, and I'm convinced Bean is trying to get in touch with his Western heritage (whatever that means). As long as he doesn't make me crave for parsnips or swedes (yuck!), I can pretty much stomach anything.

The brown discharge hasn't really gone away though and my boobs are still dreadfully tender. I did another blood test earlier in the week to monitor my thyroid levels and they are still satisfactory. But because of my hypothyroidism, I will be under the medical care of the obstetrician in addition to the midwives.

Also, lactulose is now officially my best friend because I have trouble going to the loo! Another one of them joys of being pregnant. Argh!

Oh! And this week I received a Christmas card from Singapore, from an ex-colleague who had gotten married in July. The newlyweds, like us, too found out they were going to have a baby shortly after their big day! Our babies will be months apart, and I have only just realised that I actually personally know three other women who are pregnant and too will be delivering in the first half of 2010. It's amazing!

I've also started to wonder if Bean may be a girl?! I would love to have a little babe to dress up. By the way, have you taken the polls yet? If you haven't, do vote!

Bean and I are off to bed. We hope you have a good week ahead.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-29T11:05:00.006Z

10 things I won't be able to do in the New Year:

1. Go ice-skating

2. Go on a ski-trip

3. Go near sheep and their lamb in Spring

4. Eat soft-boiled eggs

5. Colour my hair

6. Get a back massage

7. Drink champagne

8. Fit into my normal clothes

9. Enjoy Yu Sheng, sushi and sashimi (it's a tragedy!)

10. Try all ways to lose weight

On the other hand, I now have a totally valid reason to have a bursting belly! Woo hoo!

Please vote!

2009-12-27T18:36:00.004Z

Dear readers, think you have got an inclination on whether Bean will be a boy or a girl? Or perhaps you think I should consider a water birth as opposed to a normal birth? Now's the time to cast your vote! Scroll down on the right column and vote now!

Week 13: Fears and tears

2009-12-27T12:40:00.005Z

Happy Christmas to you!

This week has been a real emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I had a week of usual brown discharge which really worried me. Previously my spotting episodes were one-off and resolved within a day or so, but this persistent discharge didn't seem to want to go away. On top of that, I also experienced dull aches and a feeling of tightness in my womb.

I phoned my obstetrician in Singapore who suggested that perhaps I might have over-exerted myself. That could be true to some extent since I think I have over-done things a little during my short stay in Singapore and Malaysia. My days were packed with activities and yet I got little rest as I slept poorly in the night due to jet-lag. To make matters worse, I had to make an overnight trip to Kuala Lumpur to sort out my spousal visa, which involved even more travelling and exertion.

The moment I got into the hotel room, I phoned R and broke down. I was convinced something bad had happened to Bean because I didn't understand why I was experiencing the brown spotting and abdominal pain. While I was sobbing uncontrollably, R tried his best to calm me down by saying getting brown discharge was very common among pregnant women, and chances are high that Bean would be fine. "I created Bean and h/she will be strong. I am confident he is well. Don't worry." he said. When I finally finished crying, I phoned my midwife in the UK who advised me to monitor the situation and said she could arrange an ultrasound scan for me when I get back to the country.

But I was too worried to wait for so long. The moment I got off the plane from Kuala Lumpur, I was in a taxi to my obstetrician in Gleneagles Hospital. He checked that Bean was okay, and broadcast his heartbeat to put my mind at ease. He also did a vaginal examination and did a culture swab to determine if the discharge was caused by an infection.

That night I flew back to the UK.

The spotting and aches continued so I went to see my British GP on Christmas eve. I wondered if he could start me on some antibiotics as some vaginal infections could lead to pre-term babies and/or miscarriages. However, he advised on taking a culture swab and getting it analysed before starting me on anything, just to be sure on what was causing the discharge. With the holidays and weekend coming up, I would have to wait for five days before I could get the results back from the lab.

Thankfully, the results from the swab I did in Singapore came back on Saturday. I phoned them and the nurse told me there was no infection and the discharge was probably due to over-exertion or because the placenta is "still young". Because the uterus is stretching to accommodate the growing foetus, there will be pain on both sides of the lower abdomen. She told me to make sure I rested.

Glad that the results did not suggest anything sinister, I stayed home over the festive period, did nothing much and caught up on sleep. Today, I am relieved to see that the spotting and abdominal pain had more or less subsided.

It's incredible to see how maternal I have become since getting pregnant. It's nature's way of programming the mother to instinctively protect her young and doing everything to make sure it is OK.

And if that means spreading my legs for some strange male doctor to peer at my bits, I don't think twice about doing it, whereas I would be squeamish before. If that means spending a few hundred dollars at the clinic just to hear my baby's heartbeat, I don't even feel the pinch.

As long as Bean is well, I don't really care about anything else. Welcome to motherhood.

Week 12: Polly Put The Kettle On

2009-12-19T16:19:00.000Z

This is my favourite nursery rhyme so far and I think I have been driving Bean crazy by singing it too much. The question to ask is: Why did Suki take the kettle off after Polly put it on? My take is Suki wants to use the stove to make sushi rice! Enjoy the song anyway.

On Monday I had lunch with K, who gave me a pair of maternity jeans which she could no longer fit into. K is 23 weeks pregnant but if you hadn't seen her belly, she still looks the same as before. We had a meal in a quiet cafe and talked about our journey so far.

I shared with K that for the first time that morning, I gagged when I brushed my teeth. Apparently that is very common among pregnant women. I'm not sure if it was the taste of the toothpaste or the brushing action itself, but it just made me want to throw up. K said it was the same for her. "I can't brush my back teeth." No wonder they say pregnancy cost you a tooth.

I flew long-haul this week, via Paris, to head back to Singapore for M & J's wedding. My family was quite worried about the long journey but I made sure I looked after myself on the way. I wore R's baggy track pants on the flight and put on compression socks. Pregnant women are more susceptible to deep-vein thrombosis so the socks will help to the blood circulation in my lower legs. On R's advice, I also drank lots of fluid and frequently walked around the plane.

I have been feeling great in Singapore, well except the usual jet-lag, but I've been eating well and feeling quite bright. I told the girls the good news in person and they are all going to be Bean's godmothers. Everyone has been asking about the baby's gender, but it's too early to detect now.

I had dim sum with Emily and the gang and she said, "I think you are going to have a boy because you look good." I told her my mother thought I was a boy too, because of the way she was carrying the child, but then I surprised her on the delivery bed. (Sorry, no hot dog today, Mum). So I'd just like to think I'm having a healthy, normal baby, whatever the gender.

But I tell you, my hormones are really all over the place! At M & J's wedding, I could not stop crying when they were exchanging their vows, and I was the only bloody one sobbing my heart out at the ceremony. I also cried while reading Neil Humphrey's Be My Baby, on the page he telephoned his mother to tell her his wife was pregnant. That made me sob. My goodness, I am such a wreck!

On Friday, Mum and I went to see an obstetrician in Gleneagles Hospital because I wanted a local doctor's opinion and advice on the pregnancy. He scanned me and I requested to check the nuchal fold (measurement of the neck's thickness) as it is a possible indicator of Down's syndrome. I told him the sonographers in the UK don't do it anymore as they said it's not really an accurate gauge. "What? But they were the people who told the world to do the nuchal fold examination! And now they don't do it anymore?" my doctor exclaimed.

The nuchal fold examination should be done between 7 - 13 weeks. Any later the neck would be too thick to measure. Anyway, the doctor examined it for me and said the thickness is 2mm, which is normal. Any reading above 4mm would be cause for concern. He recommended that I requested for an episiotomy during delivery to prevent vaginal tearing all the way to the back. "I think they must realise Asian women have very small pelvises and they usually end up tearing." he said.

Bean was hiccuping when the scan was done and seemed pretty dormant, unlike the last ultrasound we did. But this time we got to hear his heartbeat as well, to which my Mum said, "Wah so loud!" We tried to suss out the gender but Bean had his legs crossed (so modest!) so we couldn't really see and we'll just have to wait till the next scan in 6 weeks.

My nausea has subsided except when I get into cabs and they start their accelerator, brake, accelerator, brake rubbish at frequent intervals. Cabs are really a bad idea for pregnant women and drunkards. They can be vomit-inducing.

Everyone has been taking extra care of me since learning I am pregnant. This includes not allowing me to carry anything, including my own handbag! I keep telling them, I'm pregnant, not handicapped!

My Mum has been showing her concern by scolding me. "You're not resting enough!", "You do too many things and tire yourself.", "You really shouldn't be travelling!"

My other relatives have been expressing their love in more conventional ways. My aunt bought me a black maternity dress from Hong Kong on her recent trip there and my other aunt came to see me with a pot of freshly brewed bird's nest soup.

Bean and I could get used to this pampering!

Week 11: Somersaults!

2009-12-13T17:59:00.001Z

This week we saw Bean for the second time. He was happily somersaulting in my belly when we did the 11-week ultrasound at the hospital. It was amazing to see him after a couple of weeks since my first scan, because the image this time was so clear. I saw his head, watched him moving his arms and legs, flipping and turning, checked out his rear view, it was great and I could only wish I could see this everyday!

My nausea is gradually subsiding and I have been sleeping better. My tummy is growing rapidly and I think I'm going to need some really large bottoms soon. Although I can still fit into my jeans, they are starting to feel increasingly tight and uncomfortable.

I'm travelling home next week and have been worrying about not having anything comfortable to wear on the flight. So a few days ago, R looked through his cupboard and found a pair of his jogging bottoms for me to wear. I don't know about you, but I think it's just so sad I have to resort to wearing my husband's trousers!

On Thursday, I freaked out a bit because I was spotting in the evening. I phoned up the midwife who said there was no cause for concern unless there was a lot of it accompanied by cramping. Still, if I was concerned she said, I should either go and see my GP or go straight into A&E.

Thankfully, there was nothing more after that one episode (fingers crossed) and I have been ever so careful watching my steps (I am so clumsy I often trip) and giving myself plenty of time to get to places so I don't have to hurry and feel stressed.

With the 12th week approaching and signalling the diminished risk of miscarriage, we are beginning to tell more and more people about the pregnancy, including close friends and colleagues whom we have kept it from till now.

And most of their responses were, "Oh my god!"

Week 10: Spots, sick, sore, sleepless

2009-12-06T19:34:00.002Z

As I laid in bed one evening feeling absolutely exhausted, I realised my grandmother has had five children. Not one, not two, not three, not four but FIVE! I was all tucked up in bed, at six o'clock in the evening, feeling miserable, weak, nauseous, fed up, and just so weary, I wondered what made women choose to go through this over and over again. For my grandmother, that would be five times in total.

I have never been unwell for such a long period of time. I have the occasional cold and cough, fever or diarrhoea, but never this feeling where I constantly feel sick, tired and rough for weeks on end. It's so debilitating and demoralising. I either feel sick or hungry, and seldom the usual contentment after a meal.

All this is supposed to spontaneously resolve after the first trimester, and I know I am lucky compared to many women who actually throw up everyday, but I have other equally frustrating problems.

I am tired every night but I sleep so poorly, it leaves me exhausted the next day. I feel so vacant or blank everyday instead of being usually sharp and focused. Some women say being pregnant makes you stupid, I now totally understand what that means.

I feel so grumpy and moody and have little patience or tolerance. My breasts are still sore and bloated, I am breaking out in spots and have I already mentioned how tired I feel? I told the midwife this but she told me to look on the bright side of things. At least these symptoms show that the pregnancy hormones are abundant and pumping throughout my body, which means Bean is growing.

This week I had my bloods taken at the hospital to screen:

my haemoglobin level
abnormalities of the red blood cells (sickle cell diseases or thalassaemia)
my immunity to German measles (Rubella)
if I have Syphilis or Hepatitis B
if I have HIV/AIDS

The midwife did not take enough blood the first time and had to poke me another time in my left arm. But she could not find a vein, so she had to go back to the same vein in my right arm again to take two more vials of blood. All in all I was jabbed three times, and I now have a slightly bruised right arm.

She's also arranged for me to do my 11-week scan in the Ultrasound Department next Tuesday afternoon. Since R would be working anyway, he would be able to just pop downstairs for the scan.

We bought a little microphone and speaker which we place on my tummy every other night so that R can talk to Bean while I laugh along at his spontaneous nonsensical blabber. I have been playing him/her children songs on YouTube.

I had the opportunity one afternoon to take a short walk with my boss so I thought it was the perfect time to tell him I am pregnant. His response was, "I'm not surprised! We were going to bet on it!"

Well what it is is I have one colleague who's about to pop and another who recently become a first-time dad, so he noticed I had been showing quite a bit of interest in them. "But I've always been interested in babies!" I replied in defence. "Ah, we just knew anyway," he said. "Congratulations."

Week 9: Fierce Daddy and Repulsive Smells

2009-11-29T17:03:00.003Z

I am developing a belly already. No it's not my normal blubber around the tummy. I can actually feel my womb area tighten as it stretches over time. My uterus is now allegedly the size of a grapefruit and Bean is as big as a raspberry!

I have been having trouble sleeping. My back aches and no matter how I turn I can't seem to get comfortable. Last week, cramps in my uterus kept me awake so I told R about it. He lifted my t-shirt and whispered to my belly, "Please be good and let Mummy sleep or I'll spank you when you come out." Shortly after that the pain miraculously went and I fell asleep.

On another occasion I complained to R that I wasn't getting enough sleep because I was going to the toilet three to four times a night. He asked Bean very nicely, to "Please don't keep Mummy awake, she needs to go to work tomorrow, and she's trying to help you grow." That night I slept all the way through. Which leads me to conclude that, Bean is afraid of his father, and bullies his mother!

I notice I keep referring to Bean as "he" and I don't know why. From the moment I found out I am pregnant, I have been getting this feeling that it's a boy. And a boy with a real appreciation for Asian food too.

I have been raiding my cupboard for the different sauces I've collected during my various trips home and they are depleting at an astonishing rate. I have had Ma Po Tou Fu, Braised Chicken, Mushroom and Potato, Nyonya Sambal Prawns and Garlic Chilli Vegetables.

I was never a big meat person but I find myself eating and craving a lot more meat as I find the smell of some fish extremely repulsive. Poor R had to brush his teeth after eating some mackerel the other night. I was normally an orange juice lover but now I only want clear apple juice. I also feel I am alot more emotional. I cried twice last week over some small setbacks and for once I actually felt I couldn't stop wailing!

This week's major developments include:

I went to the clinic to do a blood test to check my thyroid levels as I know women need to increase their dosage of their medication when they are pregnant. My results are still satisfactory, although it has shown a dip and that means I will need to up my medication sometime soon after another blood test in 6 weeks.
The midwife came to see us on Sunday and told us Bean's estimated due date is 28 June 2010. She's also booked me in for my 12-week scan and a series of blood tests.
I met my Finnish friend, K, for lunch last week and found out to my delight is she pregnant too! She is five months now and we have arranged to go maternity clothes shopping together!

Week 8: Dealing with change

2009-11-19T17:07:00.005Z

After I did the ultrasound at the hospital we told our families the good news. R's sister was so happy she cried but my Mom was so shocked she went all quiet on the line. And then it was followed by, "I don't believe it! How come so fast?" I gave her a few days to take in the news and I think she is slowly coming to accept she is going to be a grandmother.

The truth is we didn't exactly plan for this baby. It was the morning after our wedding, we were still dizzy from the euphoria, we were still in our wedding suite in the hotel and we decided on impulse 'hey let's just do this one last thing before we check out of the hotel'. And so Bean was created. On our first attempt to have a baby.

I was so convinced that even though we didn't use any protection I wouldn't get pregnant, even though I was fertile then. I mean, come on, who gets pregnant on their first try?! Everyone usually moans about having to stare at the sad lonely pink line on the dipstick for month after month after month.

And here I am with Bean in my belly, even before the wedding photographer has finished editing all the day's pictures. No wonder my mother thinks I got pregnant before I was married.

But anyway that aside, I think this is destiny, so we are welcoming it with open arms and cheerful smiles. Apart from having sore breasts, occasional cramps and backaches and an overwhelming feeling of tiredness, I feel fine. I am lucky I still love my food and can keep it down, although I must eat slowly or I'll feel sick.

Sometimes, the feelings of hunger and nausea hit me at the same time, so I get really confused. Should I eat or be sick? But one thing for sure is, I have totally gone off Western food, especially salad. I used to love my salads with a dash of balsamic vinegar, soy sauce and olive oil, but now even the thought of it makes me gag. I hardly ever used to cook a lot of Asian food but these days that's the only thing I want.

So I have been making noodles, braised chicken, fish curry, vegetable sambal, and ... white rice. I have developed this thing for white rice. We have always bought and eaten brown rice for health reasons but since getting pregnant, I badly craved HOT FLUFFY STEAMING WHITE RICE.

And now and then I also have mad desires for really unhealthy foods, like chips, fried sausages, Cheezels, crisps, deep-fried items. But I haven't succumbed. I am trying so hard to suppress these unhealthy desires, or I might become a whale even before my second trimester.

I don't mind these random crazy cravings at all, I am just so thankful that I haven't felt or been violently sick.

Week 7: A rollercoaster ride

2009-11-13T20:56:00.003Z

I phoned the clinic on Monday to make an appointment to see my GP. She needs to induce my period as it's now been two weeks and my boobs are so painfully tender. This has to end! But later that night out of curiosity I read up on early pregnancy symptoms. They include: tender breasts, late period, nausea, fatigue, frequent need to urinate etc. I have some of these symptoms so could I be pregnant?! Surely...not?

On Tuesday I couldn't wait any longer. I popped into the pharmacy before work to get a box of two pregnancy test strips. I wee-ed on one in the toilet in the office, and saw with my eyes literally popping out, the two pink lines developing, indicating I am pregnant. I hyper-ventilated in the toilet as I looked and looked at the pink lines again and again. I paced around the small confined space, thinking, oh my god, oh my god, what am I going to do now?!

Later that evening when I got home I wee-ed on the other stick and R and I watched the pink lines appear, again. (Mommy, I'm here!) Two pregnancy tests can't be wrong. But why am I cramping and spotting? Is there something wrong?

My GP booked me for a transvaginal ultrasound right away when she heard about the pain and the discharge. I'm told that pregnant women don't usually get scanned this early unless there is suspicion that something is wrong. R and I prepared ourselves for the possibility that little "Bean" as I've affectionately named him, could be no more.

The nurses at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit were very nice and I had my scan very promptly. Once the nurse saw Bean on the monitor, she turned it around for me to have a look. "You can see it here. That's the heart beating," she pointed to a white blinking spot. I went, "Aww.." and started tearing. There is a living thing growing in me! My baby!

Week 6: Nauseated

2009-11-06T15:00:00.005Z

I have no appetite in the mornings. And I am starting to develop these weird cravings. One evening on my way home on the train, I started to fantasise about Tom Yum Soup. The first thing I did when I got home was to make some, even though R and I already planned to have something else. I didn't care. I NEEDED to have Tom Yum Soup. And boy was it satisfying after I slurped up two big bowls of it, on a cold rainy night.

I don't feel particularly hungry in the evenings, which is weird because I normally am. On some nights I have to coax myself into having dinner, just because I shouldn't go to sleep on an empty stomach. But nothing really interests me so I wait patiently for me body to tell me what it wants to eat.

The other night it was sausages I wanted. So for two evenings in a row I had bangers and mash. And I ate good healthy portions too! There was one afternoon I felt like having Fizzy Cola bottles, so I sent R to the shop to get me some.

R keeps asking me if I am pregnant but I am so sure I am not, and my cravings are merely a severe case of pre-menstrual syndrome. Afterall, my breasts are tender and I have been cramping and spotting. I just want my period to come so I can stop feeling so horrible!

Week 5: Feeling more normal

2009-11-01T12:46:00.002Z

I'm starting to get over my jet-lag although my tummy is still weird. On Thursday I felt a little unwell toward the end of the day as if I was going to come down with something. But after a good night's rest I was better on Friday and was well enough to watch a movie in town with R. Over the weekend, I went about my usual chores- food shopping, laundry, cleaning and tidying. On Halloween we carved a pumpkin and I made soup with the flesh. I've never felt better!

Week 4: Floppy head...I feel weird

2009-10-24T14:11:00.003+01:00

My period is late. But that's normal for me. I am quite often late. This has been such a busy month with the wedding, visa problems, my mother-in-law's ill health etc, and I'm not surprised if that stress has impacted on my monthly cycle. Plus I am still trying to get over the jet-lag after spending three weeks out in Singapore, it just seems so difficult to adjust to UK time. I feel exceptionally tired and my head feels heavy and floppy. Even having just a small amount of food will leave me belching and bloated. I have been downing indigestion pills every evening. I feel yuck!

Week 2 & 3: Congratulations & Conception

2009-10-05T19:18:00.008+01:00

Barely more than 24 hours after our wedding celebrations, our baby was conceived, in Sentosa, proudly Made In Singapore. R is far from young and at 29, I am no spring chicken either, so we thought we'd better hurry if we wanted to have kids. At this point, I am so unconvinced we would hit the bull's eye at first try (how could anyone?), but still I started to take my folic acid supplements. Time will eventually prove how wrong I am.

Week 1: Bye-bye period

2009-09-20T19:14:00.001+01:00

I have always thought you counted the pregnancy weeks from the day of conception, but apparently, the first trimester of pregnancy begins on the first day of your last period. Which is today, according to my menstrual calender. I won't be needing any sanitary pads, hopefully now for the next nine months.