Happy New Year!

10 things I won't be able to do in the New Year:

1. Go ice-skating

2. Go on a ski-trip

3. Go near sheep and their lamb in Spring

4. Eat soft-boiled eggs

5. Colour my hair

6. Get a back massage

7. Drink champagne

8. Fit into my normal clothes

9. Enjoy Yu Sheng, sushi and sashimi (it's a tragedy!)

10. Try all ways to lose weight

On the other hand, I now have a totally valid reason to have a bursting belly! Woo hoo!

Please vote!

Dear readers, think you have got an inclination on whether Bean will be a boy or a girl? Or perhaps you think I should consider a water birth as opposed to a normal birth? Now's the time to cast your vote! Scroll down on the right column and vote now!

Week 13: Fears and tears

Happy Christmas to you! 

This week has been a real emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I had a week of usual brown discharge which really worried me. Previously my spotting episodes were one-off and resolved within a day or so, but this persistent discharge didn't seem to want to go away. On top of that, I also experienced dull aches and a feeling of tightness in my womb. 

I phoned my obstetrician in Singapore who suggested that perhaps I might have over-exerted myself. That could be true to some extent since I think I have over-done things a little during my short stay in Singapore and Malaysia. My days were packed with activities and yet I got little rest as I slept poorly in the night due to jet-lag. To make matters worse, I had to make an overnight trip to Kuala Lumpur to sort out my spousal visa, which involved even more travelling and exertion. 

The moment I got into the hotel room, I phoned R and broke down. I was convinced something bad had happened to Bean because I didn't understand why I was experiencing the brown spotting and abdominal pain. While I was sobbing uncontrollably, R tried his best to calm me down by saying getting brown discharge was very common among pregnant women, and chances are high that Bean would be fine. "I created Bean and h/she will be strong. I am confident he is well. Don't worry." he said. When I finally finished crying, I phoned my midwife in the UK who advised me to monitor the situation and said she could arrange an ultrasound scan for me when I get back to the country. 

But I was too worried to wait for so long. The moment I got off the plane from Kuala Lumpur, I was in a taxi to my obstetrician in Gleneagles Hospital. He checked that Bean was okay, and broadcast his heartbeat to put my mind at ease. He also did a vaginal examination and did a culture swab to determine if the discharge was caused by an infection. 

That night I flew back to the UK. 

The spotting and aches continued so I went to see my British GP on Christmas eve. I wondered if he could start me on some antibiotics as some vaginal infections could lead to pre-term babies and/or miscarriages. However, he advised on taking a culture swab and getting it analysed before starting me on anything, just to be sure on what was causing the discharge. With the holidays and weekend coming up, I would have to wait for five days before I could get the results back from the lab. 

Thankfully, the results from the swab I did in Singapore came back on Saturday. I phoned them and the nurse told me there was no infection and the discharge was probably due to over-exertion or because the placenta is "still young". Because the uterus is stretching to accommodate the growing foetus, there will be pain on both sides of the lower abdomen. She told me to make sure I rested. 

Glad that the results did not suggest anything sinister, I stayed home over the festive period, did nothing much and caught up on sleep. Today, I am relieved to see that the spotting and abdominal pain had more or less subsided. 

It's incredible to see how maternal I have become since getting pregnant. It's nature's way of programming the mother to instinctively protect her young and doing everything to make sure it is OK. 

And if that means spreading my legs for some strange male doctor to peer at my bits, I don't think twice about doing it, whereas I would be squeamish before. If that means spending a few hundred dollars at the clinic just to hear my baby's heartbeat, I don't even feel the pinch. 

As long as Bean is well, I don't really care about anything else. Welcome to motherhood. 

Week 12: Polly Put The Kettle On

This is my favourite nursery rhyme so far and I think I have been driving Bean crazy by singing it too much. The question to ask is: Why did Suki take the kettle off after Polly put it on? My take is Suki wants to use the stove to make sushi rice! Enjoy the song anyway. 

On Monday I had lunch with K, who gave me a pair of maternity jeans which she could no longer fit into. K is 23 weeks pregnant but if you hadn't seen her belly, she still looks the same as before. We had a meal in a quiet cafe and talked about our journey so far. 

I shared with K that for the first time that morning, I gagged when I brushed my teeth. Apparently that is very common among pregnant women. I'm not sure if it was the taste of the toothpaste or the brushing action itself, but it just made me want to throw up. K said it was the same for her. "I can't brush my back teeth." No wonder they say pregnancy cost you a tooth. 

I flew long-haul this week, via Paris, to head back to Singapore for M & J's wedding. My family was quite worried about the long journey but I made sure I looked after myself on the way. I wore R's baggy track pants on the flight and put on compression socks. Pregnant women are more susceptible to deep-vein thrombosis so the socks will help to the blood circulation in my lower legs. On R's advice, I also drank lots of fluid and frequently walked around the plane. 

I have been feeling great in Singapore, well except the usual jet-lag, but I've been eating well and feeling quite bright. I told the girls the good news in person and they are all going to be Bean's godmothers. Everyone has been asking about the baby's gender, but it's too early to detect now. 

I had dim sum with Emily and the gang and she said, "I think you are going to have a boy because you look good." I told her my mother thought I was a boy too, because of the way she was carrying the child, but then I surprised her on the delivery bed. (Sorry, no hot dog today, Mum). So I'd just like to think I'm having a healthy, normal baby, whatever the gender. 

But I tell you, my hormones are really all over the place! At M & J's wedding, I could not stop crying when they were exchanging their vows, and I was the only bloody one sobbing my heart out at the ceremony. I also cried while reading Neil Humphrey's Be My Baby, on the page he telephoned his mother to tell her his wife was pregnant. That made me sob. My goodness, I am such a wreck! 

On Friday, Mum and I went to see an obstetrician in Gleneagles Hospital because I wanted a local doctor's opinion and advice on the pregnancy. He scanned me and I requested to check the nuchal fold (measurement of the neck's thickness) as it is a possible indicator of Down's syndrome. I told him the sonographers in the UK don't do it anymore as they said it's not really an accurate gauge. "What? But they were the people who told the world to do the nuchal fold examination! And now they don't do it anymore?" my doctor exclaimed. 

The nuchal fold examination should be done between 7 - 13 weeks. Any later the neck would be too thick to measure. Anyway, the doctor examined it for me and said the thickness is 2mm, which is normal. Any reading above 4mm would be cause for concern. He recommended that I requested for an episiotomy during delivery to prevent vaginal tearing all the way to the back. "I think they must realise Asian women have very small pelvises and they usually end up tearing." he said. 

Bean was hiccuping when the scan was done and seemed pretty dormant, unlike the last ultrasound we did. But this time we got to hear his heartbeat as well, to which my Mum said, "Wah so loud!" We tried to suss out the gender but Bean had his legs crossed (so modest!) so we couldn't really see and we'll just have to wait till the next scan in 6 weeks. 

My nausea has subsided except when I get into cabs and they start their accelerator, brake, accelerator, brake rubbish at frequent intervals. Cabs are really a bad idea for pregnant women and drunkards. They can be vomit-inducing. 

Everyone has been taking extra care of me since learning I am pregnant. This includes not allowing me to carry anything, including my own handbag! I keep telling them, I'm pregnant, not handicapped! 

My Mum has been showing her concern by scolding me. "You're not resting enough!", "You do too many things and tire yourself.", "You really shouldn't be travelling!" 

My other relatives have been expressing their love in more conventional ways. My aunt bought me a black maternity dress from Hong Kong on her recent trip there and my other aunt came to see me with a pot of freshly brewed bird's nest soup. 

Bean and I could get used to this pampering! 

Week 11: Somersaults!

This week we saw Bean for the second time. He was happily somersaulting in my belly when we did the 11-week ultrasound at the hospital. It was amazing to see him after a couple of weeks since my first scan, because the image this time was so clear. I saw his head, watched him moving his arms and legs, flipping and turning, checked out his rear view, it was great and I could only wish I could see this everyday!

My nausea is gradually subsiding and I have been sleeping better. My tummy is growing rapidly and I think I'm going to need some really large bottoms soon. Although I can still fit into my jeans, they are starting to feel increasingly tight and uncomfortable. 

I'm travelling home next week and have been worrying about not having anything comfortable to wear on the flight. So a few days ago, R looked through his cupboard and found a pair of his jogging bottoms for me to wear. I don't know about you, but I think it's just so sad I have to resort to wearing my husband's trousers! 

On Thursday, I freaked out a bit because I was spotting in the evening. I phoned up the midwife who said there was no cause for concern unless there was a lot of it accompanied by cramping. Still, if I was concerned she said, I should either go and see my GP or go straight into A&E.

Thankfully, there was nothing more after that one episode (fingers crossed) and I have been ever so careful watching my steps (I am so clumsy I often trip) and giving myself plenty of time to get to places so I don't have to hurry and feel stressed. 

With the 12th week approaching and signalling the diminished risk of miscarriage, we are beginning to tell more and more people about the pregnancy, including close friends and colleagues whom we have kept it from till now. 

And most of their responses were, "Oh my god!" 

Week 10: Spots, sick, sore, sleepless

As I laid in bed one evening feeling absolutely exhausted, I realised my grandmother has had five children. Not one, not two, not three, not four but FIVE! I was all tucked up in bed, at six o'clock in the evening, feeling miserable, weak, nauseous, fed up, and just so weary, I wondered what made women choose to go through this over and over again. For my grandmother, that would be five times in total.

I have never been unwell for such a long period of time. I have the occasional cold and cough, fever or diarrhoea, but never this feeling where I constantly feel sick, tired and rough for weeks on end. It's so debilitating and demoralising. I either feel sick or hungry, and seldom the usual contentment after a meal.

All this is supposed to spontaneously resolve after the first trimester, and I know I am lucky compared to many women who actually throw up everyday, but I have other equally frustrating problems.

I am tired every night but I sleep so poorly, it leaves me exhausted the next day. I feel so vacant or blank everyday instead of being usually sharp and focused. Some women say being pregnant makes you stupid, I now totally understand what that means.

I feel so grumpy and moody and have little patience or tolerance. My breasts are still sore and bloated, I am breaking out in spots and have I already mentioned how tired I feel? I told the midwife this but she told me to look on the bright side of things. At least these symptoms show that the pregnancy hormones are abundant and pumping throughout my body, which means Bean is growing.

This week I had my bloods taken at the hospital to screen:

• my haemoglobin level
  
• abnormalities of the red blood cells (sickle cell diseases or thalassaemia)
  
• my immunity to German measles (Rubella)
  
• if I have Syphilis or Hepatitis B
  
• if I have HIV/AIDS

The midwife did not take enough blood the first time and had to poke me another time in my left arm. But she could not find a vein, so she had to go back to the same vein in my right arm again to take two more vials of blood. All in all I was jabbed three times, and I now have a slightly bruised right arm.

She's also arranged for me to do my 11-week scan in the Ultrasound Department next Tuesday afternoon. Since R would be working anyway, he would be able to just pop downstairs for the scan.

We bought a little microphone and speaker which we place on my tummy every other night so that R can talk to Bean while I laugh along at his spontaneous nonsensical blabber. I have been playing him/her children songs on YouTube.

I had the opportunity one afternoon to take a short walk with my boss so I thought it was the perfect time to tell him I am pregnant. His response was, "I'm not surprised! We were going to bet on it!"

Well what it is is I have one colleague who's about to pop and another who recently become a first-time dad, so he noticed I had been showing quite a bit of interest in them. "But I've always been interested in babies!" I replied in defence. "Ah, we just knew anyway," he said. "Congratulations."

Week 9: Fierce Daddy and Repulsive Smells

I am developing a belly already. No it's not my normal blubber around the tummy. I can actually feel my womb area tighten as it stretches over time. My uterus is now allegedly the size of a grapefruit and Bean is as big as a raspberry!

I have been having trouble sleeping. My back aches and no matter how I turn I can't seem to get comfortable. Last week, cramps in my uterus kept me awake so I told R about it. He lifted my t-shirt and whispered to my belly, "Please be good and let Mummy sleep or I'll spank you when you come out." Shortly after that the pain miraculously went and I fell asleep.

On another occasion I complained to R that I wasn't getting enough sleep because I was going to the toilet three to four times a night. He asked Bean very nicely, to "Please don't keep Mummy awake, she needs to go to work tomorrow, and she's trying to help you grow." That night I slept all the way through. Which leads me to conclude that, Bean is afraid of his father, and bullies his mother!

I notice I keep referring to Bean as "he" and I don't know why. From the moment I found out I am pregnant, I have been getting this feeling that it's a boy. And a boy with a real appreciation for Asian food too.

I have been raiding my cupboard for the different sauces I've collected during my various trips home and they are depleting at an astonishing rate. I have had Ma Po Tou Fu, Braised Chicken, Mushroom and Potato, Nyonya Sambal Prawns and Garlic Chilli Vegetables.

I was never a big meat person but I find myself eating and craving a lot more meat as I find the smell of some fish extremely repulsive. Poor R had to brush his teeth after eating some mackerel the other night. I was normally an orange juice lover but now I only want clear apple juice. I also feel I am alot more emotional. I cried twice last week over some small setbacks and for once I actually felt I couldn't stop wailing!

This week's major developments include:

• I went to the clinic to do a blood test to check my thyroid levels as I know women need to increase their dosage of their medication when they are pregnant. My results are still satisfactory, although it has shown a dip and that means I will need to up my medication sometime soon after another blood test in 6 weeks.
  
• The midwife came to see us on Sunday and told us Bean's estimated due date is 28 June 2010. She's also booked me in for my 12-week scan and a series of blood tests.
• I met my Finnish friend, K, for lunch last week and found out to my delight is she pregnant too! She is five months now and we have arranged to go maternity clothes shopping together!

Week 8: Dealing with change

After I did the ultrasound at the hospital we told our families the good news. R's sister was so happy she cried but my Mom was so shocked she went all quiet on the line. And then it was followed by, "I don't believe it! How come so fast?" I gave her a few days to take in the news and I think she is slowly coming to accept she is going to be a grandmother. 

The truth is we didn't exactly plan for this baby. It was the morning after our wedding, we were still dizzy from the euphoria, we were still in our wedding suite in the hotel and we decided on impulse 'hey let's just do this one last thing before we check out of the hotel'. And so Bean was created. On our first attempt to have a baby. 

I was so convinced that even though we didn't use any protection I wouldn't get pregnant, even though I was fertile then. I mean, come on, who gets pregnant on their first try?! Everyone usually moans about having to stare at the sad lonely pink line on the dipstick for month after month after month. 

And here I am with Bean in my belly, even before the wedding photographer has finished editing all the day's pictures. No wonder my mother thinks I got pregnant before I was married. 

But anyway that aside, I think this is destiny, so we are welcoming it with open arms and cheerful smiles. Apart from having sore breasts, occasional cramps and backaches and an overwhelming feeling of tiredness, I feel fine. I am lucky I still love my food and can keep it down, although I must eat slowly or I'll feel sick. 

Sometimes, the feelings of hunger and nausea hit me at the same time, so I get really confused. Should I eat or be sick? But one thing for sure is, I have totally gone off Western food, especially salad. I used to love my salads with a dash of balsamic vinegar, soy sauce and olive oil, but now even the thought of it makes me gag. I hardly ever used to cook a lot of Asian food but these days that's the only thing I want. 

So I have been making noodles, braised chicken, fish curry, vegetable sambal, and ... white rice. I have developed this thing for white rice. We have always bought and eaten brown rice for health reasons but since getting pregnant, I badly craved HOT FLUFFY STEAMING WHITE RICE. 

And now and then I also have mad desires for really unhealthy foods, like chips, fried sausages, Cheezels, crisps, deep-fried items. But I haven't succumbed. I am trying so hard to suppress these unhealthy desires, or I might become a whale even before my second trimester. 

I don't mind these random crazy cravings at all, I am just so thankful that I haven't felt or been violently sick. 

Week 7: A rollercoaster ride

I phoned the clinic on Monday to make an appointment to see my GP. She needs to induce my period as it's now been two weeks and my boobs are so painfully tender. This has to end! But later that night out of curiosity I read up on early pregnancy symptoms. They include: tender breasts, late period, nausea, fatigue, frequent need to urinate etc. I have some of these symptoms so could I be pregnant?! Surely...not?

On Tuesday I couldn't wait any longer. I popped into the pharmacy before work to get a box of two pregnancy test strips. I wee-ed on one in the toilet in the office, and saw with my eyes literally popping out, the two pink lines developing, indicating I am pregnant. I hyper-ventilated in the toilet as I looked and looked at the pink lines again and again. I paced around the small confined space, thinking, oh my god, oh my god, what am I going to do now?!

Later that evening when I got home I wee-ed on the other stick and R and I watched the pink lines appear, again. (Mommy, I'm here!) Two pregnancy tests can't be wrong. But why am I cramping and spotting? Is there something wrong?

My GP booked me for a transvaginal ultrasound right away when she heard about the pain and the discharge. I'm told that pregnant women don't usually get scanned this early unless there is suspicion that something is wrong. R and I prepared ourselves for the possibility that little "Bean" as I've affectionately named him, could be no more.

The nurses at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit were very nice and I had my scan very promptly. Once the nurse saw Bean on the monitor, she turned it around for me to have a look. "You can see it here. That's the heart beating," she pointed to a white blinking spot. I went, "Aww.." and started tearing. There is a living thing growing in me! My baby!

Week 6: Nauseated

I have no appetite in the mornings. And I am starting to develop these weird cravings. One evening on my way home on the train, I started to fantasise about Tom Yum Soup. The first thing I did when I got home was to make some, even though R and I already planned to have something else. I didn't care. I NEEDED to have Tom Yum Soup. And boy was it satisfying after I slurped up two big bowls of it, on a cold rainy night.

I don't feel particularly hungry in the evenings, which is weird because I normally am. On some nights I have to coax myself into having dinner, just because I shouldn't go to sleep on an empty stomach. But nothing really interests me so I wait patiently for me body to tell me what it wants to eat.

The other night it was sausages I wanted. So for two evenings in a row I had bangers and mash. And I ate good healthy portions too! There was one afternoon I felt like having Fizzy Cola bottles, so I sent R to the shop to get me some.

R keeps asking me if I am pregnant but I am so sure I am not, and my cravings are merely a severe case of pre-menstrual syndrome. Afterall, my breasts are tender and I have been cramping and spotting. I just want my period to come so I can stop feeling so horrible!

Week 5: Feeling more normal

I'm starting to get over my jet-lag although my tummy is still weird. On Thursday I felt a little unwell toward the end of the day as if I was going to come down with something. But after a good night's rest I was better on Friday and was well enough to watch a movie in town with R. Over the weekend, I went about my usual chores- food shopping, laundry, cleaning and tidying. On Halloween we carved a pumpkin and I made soup with the flesh. I've never felt better!

Week 4: Floppy head...I feel weird

My period is late. But that's normal for me. I am quite often late. This has been such a busy month with the wedding, visa problems, my mother-in-law's ill health etc, and I'm not surprised if that stress has impacted on my monthly cycle. Plus I am still trying to get over the jet-lag after spending three weeks out in Singapore, it just seems so difficult to adjust to UK time. I feel exceptionally tired and my head feels heavy and floppy. Even having just a small amount of food will leave me belching and bloated. I have been downing indigestion pills every evening. I feel yuck!

Week 2 & 3: Congratulations & Conception

Barely more than 24 hours after our wedding celebrations, our baby was conceived, in Sentosa, proudly Made In Singapore. R is far from young and at 29, I am no spring chicken either, so we thought we'd better hurry if we wanted to have kids. At this point, I am so unconvinced we would hit the bull's eye at first try (how could anyone?), but still I started to take my folic acid supplements. Time will eventually prove how wrong I am. 

Week 1: Bye-bye period

I have always thought you counted the pregnancy weeks from the day of conception, but apparently, the first trimester of pregnancy begins on the first day of your last period. Which is today, according to my menstrual calender. I won't be needing any sanitary pads, hopefully now for the next nine months.