Week 35: Insomnia, maternity leave, piles

I had a really good cry today because I am just too tired and frustrated. For over a month now I haven't been able to get a decent's night sleep, mainly because having a large womb pressing down on me really leaves me so uncomfortable in bed and nothing I do seem to help. I wake to go to the toilet so many times a night and once I am up I find it hard to fall asleep again. That's why in the day I sometimes feel really tired and grumpy and today I just felt I had enough and I had to let it all out.

I let myself wallow in self-pity for a while because I think I needed to release all my pent-up frustrations. Walking and getting around is getting really difficult now that my belly is so heavy. While I used to be able to shop non-stop for a good few hours in town, I now need to find somewhere to sit down every so often because it hurts my back to stand for so long.

I am also finding myself increasingly unappealing - my body is out of shape, I am bulky and clumsy, my nipples are so huge and dark, I am so fat. Plus I've also developed pregnancy piles which I was told would get worse right after childbirth because of the pushing and straining. Lovely! No wonder I feel grumpy and miserable.

I think it has come to a point where I am really looking forward to giving birth not just because I want to meet Bean but also because I desperately want to get rid of this bulging tension around what used to be my waist. I long for the day to come where I can once again lie on my belly and opening cupboards or doors without banging myself in the tummy.

Friday was my last day at work. I'll now be off till January 2011 and I have been waiting so long for my maternity leave to start. Now that it has, I am feeling a real sense of relief and freedom because I now have all the time in the world to finish up the last bits that need doing around the house.

Other updates this week include:

• We didn't manage to buy a car in the end because the seller turned out to be a scumbag who probably sold it to someone else who was willing to pay more. He never bothered to get in touch with us to say the deal was off. So the quest is still on for a car.
  
• H came down to stay with us over the weekend. We put her in the newly furnished guest room and she said she had a really comfortable stay. There was one day she didn't get up till noon!
  
• I finally got someone to frame the four oil paintings we bought in Hanoi and they now hang in various rooms.
  
• The dining room is ready! We moved our dining table and chairs in on Friday and shifted some furniture around in the room. It still looks a bit bare but it's a real good start!